Wow, what a year this has been. I feel like it has gone by in a flash. Not a bright and blinding flash but a flash viewed through a heavy veil.
As much as I would like to say I've been completely alert, I haven't been at all. This year has been a blur. A blur of days turning into nights, weeks and months. A blur of questions. Who? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? WHY???? WHY OH WHY????? The last question never answered. Not really seeking an answer as to why. Knowing that horrible, awful things happen.
They happen to good people that we dearly love.
Trusting in a new found understanding that God is in control. God knows the end from the beginning. That I don't always need to know why. Just trust. Trust in a God, the Only God, THE God. My God. Who is Love. Who is Mercy. Who is Good. All the time. Yes, even in the horrible, awful times that we don't understand. When we don't understand His plan. We don't understand His timing. We don't understand His reason for allowing something to happen.
It's easy to believe in God when all is going well. It's funny how we put God on a shelf in those times and say hi as we pass by to our next fun adventure. Not funny in a humorous way but funny, odd. I admit it. I've done it. I did it for years. I'll talk to you when I need you again, but I'm having too much fun right now. Then the floor drops... We run to the shelf and cling to God... looking up at Him through tears asking who? what? where? when? why????? and how?? Then when He doesn't seem to answer, He doesn't answer swiftly, He doesn't answer correctly... dare I say... as I heard Beth Moore say in a video... He doesn't behave correctly. We get angry! We refuse to advance in our relationship with Him until we understand WHY!!!
This year has been a journey. This year has been revealing. Last year I remember wondering if God was playing some kind of game with me and get angry at Him at specific moments. This year it's been revealing because I began to stop asking why and started trusting more. Never asking with anger. Sometimes frustration, sadness, confusion, but not anger. An overwhelming sense of peace and love that was poured over me at the end of last year. Wrapped around me with the power of the wind in my back yard one Sunday morning. A whisper in that same wind that told me "I AM with you". Truly understanding "seek and ye shall find". I looked for God. I continued to seek Him all year as I had started too in earnest the year before. There have been moments where I didn't feel His presence. A few years ago I would have asked. "Where did you go God?" "Why leave me to fight this alone now?" I have come to realise it's not God that leaves. It's me. I wonder off blindly forging my own path, then suddenly turn around and realise that Strong Presence is gone, or seems to be anyway. I've come to ask a different question in those times. "God.... where did I get to now??" Seek and ye shall find will always come back into my head. Sure enough I do... seek I mean. Sure enough I find.
Do I need to have all the answers now before I proceed? No. I know that some day I may find the answers. I know some day I will see my loved ones that have gone before me again. I know some day God will wipe every tear away from all of us. I know God came so that we may have life more abundantly.
I choose to live this life more abundantly.
Monday, 10 December 2012
Thursday, 23 August 2012
the link
With summer coming to a close, I have seen more posts on facebook of parents being either so glad school is starting up again or so sad. I had a friend post that she wasn't ready to let her daughter go yet. Assuming said daughter has now graduated from high school and is now off to University and is stepping into a new chapter of her life. I, myself am getting ready to watch my oldest son step into a new phase. Kindergarten. Mixed emotions of happiness and anxiety of letting someone else teach and watch over the safety of my son envelope me. I am comforted by the choice of school we have made and look forward to meeting his teacher and the fact that he is so excited to make new friends and learn new things.
I think of how he's changing and growing and how fast time has gone. I can imagine my friends as they prepare to let go and watch as their children move out of their house and go off to University or a new career. Hoping that they have taught them well, that they are responsible enough to make good choices, having to step back and let them go. Praying they will keep in touch, call often and just let them know how their day is going.
My sister in law called me from California and told me how she happened to drive by the school her son attends and saw him playing in the field with a group of friends and how it made her happy. She waved and continued on her way. I don't recall if he saw her or not but it made me smile to think that she was happy just to see him happy. I imagine myself in days and years to come driving by my son's school and seeing him play outside with a group of friends. I'm sure I'll want to just pull over and watch. Day dream about him running over and saying hi or giving me a quick hug. That of course would not likely happen as it just wouldn't "be cool" I'm sure but one can dream. Right? lol.
I pray as my boys grow that they will honor themselves and us as parents. That we will "raise them up in the way they should go". That they will always come to us whenever they need or want to. Is that not the desire and prayer of every parent? Most anyway? It got me thinking... God, as our heavenly Father. Isn't that all He really wants? The Creator of the Universe. The Creator of you and I. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He just wants us to stay in touch. Honor ourselves, remember who we are. Honor Him in all we do. Honor our parents. He wants us to get to know Him and know that though we think we are mature and on our own, He is always there, ready to talk when ever we need or want. He's not a "helicopter parent" hovering over us waiting to pull us out of whatever situation we put ourselves in that is potentially dangerous. He steps back and lets us go because that's what we seem to want. Waiting for us to remember He's there, that He loves us and just wants the best for us.
This is why I awoke so happy today. Thank you God for all I have. For all you've blessed me with. Thank You for loving me and always being there. Fill me with your love so I may pour it out onto my family. May we always draw close to you.
I think of how he's changing and growing and how fast time has gone. I can imagine my friends as they prepare to let go and watch as their children move out of their house and go off to University or a new career. Hoping that they have taught them well, that they are responsible enough to make good choices, having to step back and let them go. Praying they will keep in touch, call often and just let them know how their day is going.
My sister in law called me from California and told me how she happened to drive by the school her son attends and saw him playing in the field with a group of friends and how it made her happy. She waved and continued on her way. I don't recall if he saw her or not but it made me smile to think that she was happy just to see him happy. I imagine myself in days and years to come driving by my son's school and seeing him play outside with a group of friends. I'm sure I'll want to just pull over and watch. Day dream about him running over and saying hi or giving me a quick hug. That of course would not likely happen as it just wouldn't "be cool" I'm sure but one can dream. Right? lol.
I pray as my boys grow that they will honor themselves and us as parents. That we will "raise them up in the way they should go". That they will always come to us whenever they need or want to. Is that not the desire and prayer of every parent? Most anyway? It got me thinking... God, as our heavenly Father. Isn't that all He really wants? The Creator of the Universe. The Creator of you and I. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He just wants us to stay in touch. Honor ourselves, remember who we are. Honor Him in all we do. Honor our parents. He wants us to get to know Him and know that though we think we are mature and on our own, He is always there, ready to talk when ever we need or want. He's not a "helicopter parent" hovering over us waiting to pull us out of whatever situation we put ourselves in that is potentially dangerous. He steps back and lets us go because that's what we seem to want. Waiting for us to remember He's there, that He loves us and just wants the best for us.
This is why I awoke so happy today. Thank you God for all I have. For all you've blessed me with. Thank You for loving me and always being there. Fill me with your love so I may pour it out onto my family. May we always draw close to you.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
My Dad, my hero. Happy Father's Day
There is so much I could write about my Dad. I know he would like to think that I got all my good qualities from my Mom but I think I got a few from him as well. This is what I would like to share with you about my Dad.
I'm a fairly passionate person, I feel things deeply and am fairly demonstrative when I want to be. That is no secret...lol. Like it could be! I think I got a little of that from him for sure!
I've learned alot over forty five years from and about him.
I've learned that strength isn't just a physical attribute, though at sixty- eight he can still out lift most men half his age at the gym. I've learned that strength of character is even more important. My father has taught me that no matter how weak you feel, God will always fill you with enough strength to go on.
He's taught me to respect my elders and respect myself. To protect those who can't protect themselves.
To honor my family, my friends, myself and most of all God.
He's taught me not to judge people by first impressions.
He's taught me that it's never too late to draw closer to God.
He's taught me to be sure of who I give my heart to.
He pursued a career that wasn't his first choice because he just needed to get busy providing for his family. With hard work and determination that most people don't naturally possess he became one of the best in his field. Respected so highly by the men he led they almost staged a revolt when he left one particular company.
He's taught me that I could do anything I desired to do but give 100% and be the best you could be at what ever I chose to do.
He's tough, and he's had to be. He's taught me to be accountable. To take ownership of my mistakes, apologise when you need to.
He's taught me when you get hurt or knocked down to pick yourself up, dust yourself off , lift your head up and keep moving forward.
He's taught me life is about choices. He's always tried to "guide " me to make the right ones but in my stubbornness I've insisted on making my own choices. Sometimes not always turning out well. He's taught me to learn from them and move on.
I remember Sunday drives, brunch after church, camping trips and long relaxing afternoons fishing on a calm lake with my Dad and brother.
I remember after one of those fishing trips, my Dad driving for what seemed like hours over just one more hill to chase a rainbow to see if we could see the end of it.
I remember the long drive to Manitoba to visit my dying Grandmother (his Mom), and how we really got to know each other on a whole different level.
I saw the love and respect he had for her and how she loved and cherished him.
He continues to amaze me with his ability to adapt to any situation. To retirement, to becoming a Grandfather, to gardening, to doing ALL the renovations in our basement from electrical to plumbing to drywall ( he hates drywall) to carpentry to laying linoleum and painting to finishing work. To having incredible patience with city building inspectors. lol. That last one was VERY impressive!
The thing that impresses me most is how he's pursued his relationship with God with the same passion and determination he gave to everything else. He's given 100% to that too.
I know he wishes he had done some things differently over the years but it's exactly those choices that fuel his passions now. In that he's taught me the greatest lesson.
It's never too late to get on the right track and start moving forward.
So Dad, you see you've taught me alot, and will continue to I'm sure!
You've given me strength, respect, honor and love... with the greatest of these is Love.
Happy Father's day to you Dad! I love and respect you so much!
I'm a fairly passionate person, I feel things deeply and am fairly demonstrative when I want to be. That is no secret...lol. Like it could be! I think I got a little of that from him for sure!
I've learned alot over forty five years from and about him.
I've learned that strength isn't just a physical attribute, though at sixty- eight he can still out lift most men half his age at the gym. I've learned that strength of character is even more important. My father has taught me that no matter how weak you feel, God will always fill you with enough strength to go on.
He's taught me to respect my elders and respect myself. To protect those who can't protect themselves.
To honor my family, my friends, myself and most of all God.
He's taught me not to judge people by first impressions.
He's taught me that it's never too late to draw closer to God.
He's taught me to be sure of who I give my heart to.
He pursued a career that wasn't his first choice because he just needed to get busy providing for his family. With hard work and determination that most people don't naturally possess he became one of the best in his field. Respected so highly by the men he led they almost staged a revolt when he left one particular company.
He's taught me that I could do anything I desired to do but give 100% and be the best you could be at what ever I chose to do.
He's tough, and he's had to be. He's taught me to be accountable. To take ownership of my mistakes, apologise when you need to.
He's taught me when you get hurt or knocked down to pick yourself up, dust yourself off , lift your head up and keep moving forward.
He's taught me life is about choices. He's always tried to "guide " me to make the right ones but in my stubbornness I've insisted on making my own choices. Sometimes not always turning out well. He's taught me to learn from them and move on.
I remember Sunday drives, brunch after church, camping trips and long relaxing afternoons fishing on a calm lake with my Dad and brother.
I remember after one of those fishing trips, my Dad driving for what seemed like hours over just one more hill to chase a rainbow to see if we could see the end of it.
I remember the long drive to Manitoba to visit my dying Grandmother (his Mom), and how we really got to know each other on a whole different level.
I saw the love and respect he had for her and how she loved and cherished him.
He continues to amaze me with his ability to adapt to any situation. To retirement, to becoming a Grandfather, to gardening, to doing ALL the renovations in our basement from electrical to plumbing to drywall ( he hates drywall) to carpentry to laying linoleum and painting to finishing work. To having incredible patience with city building inspectors. lol. That last one was VERY impressive!
The thing that impresses me most is how he's pursued his relationship with God with the same passion and determination he gave to everything else. He's given 100% to that too.
I know he wishes he had done some things differently over the years but it's exactly those choices that fuel his passions now. In that he's taught me the greatest lesson.
It's never too late to get on the right track and start moving forward.
So Dad, you see you've taught me alot, and will continue to I'm sure!
You've given me strength, respect, honor and love... with the greatest of these is Love.
Happy Father's day to you Dad! I love and respect you so much!
Sunday, 13 May 2012
Thank you to my amazing Mom
Today I dedicate this post to my Mother. Helena McMillan. She is my constant source of love, wisdom, compassion and support. She is first my Mom, then mentor and friend. She is an inspiration in my spiritual walk as she is the one who set me on the right path. In her art in which she is so talented, in her intelligence and in her beauty. The most inspiring thing about her is her compassionate heart and faithfulness to God.
The following is a letter she wrote to me as I graduated from high school. How blessed am I that God chose such an amazing woman to lead me through this amazing journey called life!
Enjoy.
Some things to Remember
Dear Jackie,
I've been wondering what special thing I can say to you on your graduation day. I didn't see you in the processional or recessional. Since we were in the balcony I was unable to see your expression of joy or sadness- whatever you felt. I did hear your name called, you received congratulation and walked across the stage and just as surely as you crossed that stage you took the final steps of your twelve years in school. Then you turned left the platform and joined your peers.
There will come a day when you into the world to join others of your generation, just as you did on graduation day. I ask several thing of you. Please remember who you belong to first and above all. You ARE a child of Christ and He will never turn His back on you. It may seem you are alone but remember that besides The Lord you do have friends here. Where? Who? If you can't thinkof anyone your own age there are older women who are willing to listen. Remember our friends and relatives and go to them. Never, never feel you have to deal with a problem all by yourself. None of us can. We're just not strong enough. that's why the Lord Jesus has placed special people in our lives. He knows what our needs are and who can fill them.
Remember that you are a very valuable person. J.J. you've made some good friends along your way. Always remember Mrs. Wallace. You mean an awful lot to her. You have gained the respect of Mrs. Krause and Mrs. Blough because you've never forgotten her and they've seen how it has helped her. You've made friends at camp, retreats, and youth conferences. You are a loyal friend and because your principles are high have been chosen to share the confidences of others. You've been influential in some of your friends turning to Christ.
You may be impatient, but remember that if you allow Jesus to do His will He will prepare, and is preparing right now, someone who suits your specific unique needs. Be very careful of the type of person you trust your love and life with. If he belongs to Christ, you have the foundation of your relationship. "just friends" is another important ingredient- there has to be something left after the butterflies are gone making friendship very important.
There seem to be times when you're troubled that I can't help you. I don't have just exactly the correct words that would express the way I feel, or the correct words that would calm you, and put your mind at ease. It's then that I wish I could pick you up, hold you tight and carry you throught the difficult places, like I did when you were tiny. I know someday you will have the same thoughts and feelings as I, and you will understand...Take heart though because you needn't walk those troubled pathways alone. You see, you've been committed to the Lord by us, your parents. We've asked Him to always watch over you, guide you, and draw you nearer to Him. Jackie, YOU will NEVER be alone. You may feel or even act insecure sometimes, but I think you have an inner strength that comes from being tested. I think you have an inner confidence and determination that even you may not realize you have. This is probably why your friends feel secure when confiding in you.
When the nurse first brought you to me I thought, "Pink, just like a baby girl is supposed to be. " You were so quiet and sweet. I thought only of my responsibility as a mother. It didn't seem to take much effort to be your mother though. You slept and ate. As you grew you played contentedly by yourself or with Jimmy. He was so proud of you too. He wanted som much to take care of you, holding your hand when you needed guiding and watching out for you. He's still the same way, both of you have grown up that's the only difference. Remember how much he cares.
You were always a happy child it seemed, and always ready for a hug. I never speculated that we would one day become good friends. Most times we're so compatable, yet there are times when we're terribly at odds. I want you to know that I don't want you to hurt or suffer because of love gone awry. I also know that there are times when unless we get hurt we don't seen to grow or learn to trust Christ's judgement for our lives. I know that now through life experience and I would like you to take my word for it. It doesn't seem fair somehow that such a sweet little child should have to suffer sadnesses like you have experienced. The Lord tells us though that after we have been tested we shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10). He also says that we are not the only ones who have been tempted and that He provides a way out when we are. (1 Corithians 10:13) Those are promises that I sincerely hope you remember to claim.
I want you to develop your own personality, but to do this you must listen, watch, take note, sort out what is worth keeping in mind, and throw out the rest. Be honest with yourself, even if it hurts. There is no bigger fool than someone who is fooling himself.
And what do I wish for you? That you will be happy with yourself because of the person you have become, and if you're not, the ability to change that. That you will be at least as happy on your wedding day as you looked on Graduation Day. That the Lord will send that special someone to you soon and together you will follow Him. I wish you the gift of love. Love first of all for Jesus, He is yours and you are His. Love for yourself, for your brother, your parents, your friends and then finally and eventually for your husband and children.
You have grown from a little sweetie into a beautiful young lady. You've always had a terrific sense of humour, and yet you possess a seriousness and common sense which surprises even me, but makes me feel proud. You've been described as an "awesome woman". Don't forget who said that. Greg Speck doesn't strike me as the type of person who would throw compliments like that around very quickly.
Right now you will experience a few sad days remembering friends you haven't seen or won't see for awhile. You do have memories, phone numbers and addresses, and the ability to use them. You must take those final steps away from the past and look toward the future; towards new adventures and promises. You are still very young, although you are considered an adult, responsible for yourself. Look toward the future with hope, secure in the knowledge that you were meant to be born; that you have a purpose. There is a reason for you being here, so set your goals, keep your standards high, and with God's help you'll reach them. The saddest thing would be for you not to grasp the opportunities within this adventure.
most of this is typed so you could read it properly. There are mistakes here and there, but that is really what life is like. The content of this letter I hope reflects love, hope and charity. "But the greatest of these is love."
With love always, and forever,
Mom
My amazing Mom wrote this to me 27 years ago. It still brings tears to my eyes whenever I read it. I am SO BLESSED to be able to say that I had the best Mom that God could have given me to lead me through life, to walk beside me as my best friend ever, to inspire me with her love, her art, her intelligence, her singing, her writing, her poetry, her patience and her love for God. I am grateful that I can tell her this while she is alive. I pray for those who can't. I am so grateful I have children of my own now to love, to teach and to hopefully inspire as much as she did me and continues to do.
To THE most inspiring woman I know..... My Mom, I love you more than words can say!
with love always and forever,
Jackie xoxo
The following is a letter she wrote to me as I graduated from high school. How blessed am I that God chose such an amazing woman to lead me through this amazing journey called life!
Enjoy.
Some things to Remember
Dear Jackie,
I've been wondering what special thing I can say to you on your graduation day. I didn't see you in the processional or recessional. Since we were in the balcony I was unable to see your expression of joy or sadness- whatever you felt. I did hear your name called, you received congratulation and walked across the stage and just as surely as you crossed that stage you took the final steps of your twelve years in school. Then you turned left the platform and joined your peers.
There will come a day when you into the world to join others of your generation, just as you did on graduation day. I ask several thing of you. Please remember who you belong to first and above all. You ARE a child of Christ and He will never turn His back on you. It may seem you are alone but remember that besides The Lord you do have friends here. Where? Who? If you can't thinkof anyone your own age there are older women who are willing to listen. Remember our friends and relatives and go to them. Never, never feel you have to deal with a problem all by yourself. None of us can. We're just not strong enough. that's why the Lord Jesus has placed special people in our lives. He knows what our needs are and who can fill them.
Remember that you are a very valuable person. J.J. you've made some good friends along your way. Always remember Mrs. Wallace. You mean an awful lot to her. You have gained the respect of Mrs. Krause and Mrs. Blough because you've never forgotten her and they've seen how it has helped her. You've made friends at camp, retreats, and youth conferences. You are a loyal friend and because your principles are high have been chosen to share the confidences of others. You've been influential in some of your friends turning to Christ.
You may be impatient, but remember that if you allow Jesus to do His will He will prepare, and is preparing right now, someone who suits your specific unique needs. Be very careful of the type of person you trust your love and life with. If he belongs to Christ, you have the foundation of your relationship. "just friends" is another important ingredient- there has to be something left after the butterflies are gone making friendship very important.
There seem to be times when you're troubled that I can't help you. I don't have just exactly the correct words that would express the way I feel, or the correct words that would calm you, and put your mind at ease. It's then that I wish I could pick you up, hold you tight and carry you throught the difficult places, like I did when you were tiny. I know someday you will have the same thoughts and feelings as I, and you will understand...Take heart though because you needn't walk those troubled pathways alone. You see, you've been committed to the Lord by us, your parents. We've asked Him to always watch over you, guide you, and draw you nearer to Him. Jackie, YOU will NEVER be alone. You may feel or even act insecure sometimes, but I think you have an inner strength that comes from being tested. I think you have an inner confidence and determination that even you may not realize you have. This is probably why your friends feel secure when confiding in you.
When the nurse first brought you to me I thought, "Pink, just like a baby girl is supposed to be. " You were so quiet and sweet. I thought only of my responsibility as a mother. It didn't seem to take much effort to be your mother though. You slept and ate. As you grew you played contentedly by yourself or with Jimmy. He was so proud of you too. He wanted som much to take care of you, holding your hand when you needed guiding and watching out for you. He's still the same way, both of you have grown up that's the only difference. Remember how much he cares.
You were always a happy child it seemed, and always ready for a hug. I never speculated that we would one day become good friends. Most times we're so compatable, yet there are times when we're terribly at odds. I want you to know that I don't want you to hurt or suffer because of love gone awry. I also know that there are times when unless we get hurt we don't seen to grow or learn to trust Christ's judgement for our lives. I know that now through life experience and I would like you to take my word for it. It doesn't seem fair somehow that such a sweet little child should have to suffer sadnesses like you have experienced. The Lord tells us though that after we have been tested we shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10). He also says that we are not the only ones who have been tempted and that He provides a way out when we are. (1 Corithians 10:13) Those are promises that I sincerely hope you remember to claim.
I want you to develop your own personality, but to do this you must listen, watch, take note, sort out what is worth keeping in mind, and throw out the rest. Be honest with yourself, even if it hurts. There is no bigger fool than someone who is fooling himself.
And what do I wish for you? That you will be happy with yourself because of the person you have become, and if you're not, the ability to change that. That you will be at least as happy on your wedding day as you looked on Graduation Day. That the Lord will send that special someone to you soon and together you will follow Him. I wish you the gift of love. Love first of all for Jesus, He is yours and you are His. Love for yourself, for your brother, your parents, your friends and then finally and eventually for your husband and children.
You have grown from a little sweetie into a beautiful young lady. You've always had a terrific sense of humour, and yet you possess a seriousness and common sense which surprises even me, but makes me feel proud. You've been described as an "awesome woman". Don't forget who said that. Greg Speck doesn't strike me as the type of person who would throw compliments like that around very quickly.
Right now you will experience a few sad days remembering friends you haven't seen or won't see for awhile. You do have memories, phone numbers and addresses, and the ability to use them. You must take those final steps away from the past and look toward the future; towards new adventures and promises. You are still very young, although you are considered an adult, responsible for yourself. Look toward the future with hope, secure in the knowledge that you were meant to be born; that you have a purpose. There is a reason for you being here, so set your goals, keep your standards high, and with God's help you'll reach them. The saddest thing would be for you not to grasp the opportunities within this adventure.
most of this is typed so you could read it properly. There are mistakes here and there, but that is really what life is like. The content of this letter I hope reflects love, hope and charity. "But the greatest of these is love."
With love always, and forever,
Mom
My amazing Mom wrote this to me 27 years ago. It still brings tears to my eyes whenever I read it. I am SO BLESSED to be able to say that I had the best Mom that God could have given me to lead me through life, to walk beside me as my best friend ever, to inspire me with her love, her art, her intelligence, her singing, her writing, her poetry, her patience and her love for God. I am grateful that I can tell her this while she is alive. I pray for those who can't. I am so grateful I have children of my own now to love, to teach and to hopefully inspire as much as she did me and continues to do.
To THE most inspiring woman I know..... My Mom, I love you more than words can say!
with love always and forever,
Jackie xoxo
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Mercy Truimphs
I borrowed the title of today's pondering from the study on James that I just completed today, named "James Mercy Triumphs" by Beth Moore. What a fantastic study! Whenever I decide to dig in to a study this in depth, I realise just how little I know. I assumed that James was one of Jesus disciples and although there was a disciple named James, he wasn't the one that penned the book of James. The author of the book of James is none other than Jesus' own half brother. Presumably the oldest son of Mary and Joseph. I know most of you probably realise that, but it was news to me.
Studying these precious five chapters has been an amazing gift. God's perfect timing in my life. It has uplifted me, surrounded me with peace and comfort during one of the most difficult times in my life. As some of you know, we suffered the tragic and very sudden loss of my husbands younger sister a week before this past Christmas and while we continue to mourn her passing, the fact that this study started in January was no coincidence. I have come to realise God's timing is purposeful and perfect.
I found this particular study to be easier in some ways and yet more in depth than other studies Beth Moore has written. In this one she asked her readers to commit to however many levels we decided we could accomplish. There is five.
1. Watch the videos - easy enough, incredibly informative and entertaining
2. Complete the Homework- I would get behind at times but have caught up and completed it now. It is truly fascinating how much easier it is to understand what is written when you learn about the traditions of the time. The way she will explain what the original Greek or Hebrew text said, the meaning behind it and how and why it was translated the way it was.
3. Hand write James- Easy enough to do, I would sit down and copy a chapter at a time, when I had time but she actually would get you to stop and write a few verses at time through out the study. There were no hard and fast rules to this, you did what you could do when you could do it.
4. Read Articles- dispersed through out the days and weeks of the study, Beth's daughter Melissa penned various articles that explained even more about the themes, the times and the traditions of the day. Yet a whole new level! Very exciting!
5. Memorise James. - ok... this is where I stopped and decided, "well I'll try....". Seriously though, with being the 40 something mother of a preschooler and a toddler, I'm lucky if I remember my own name some days never mind an entire book of the bible!!
So I committed to completing the first four and would make an effort to accomplishing step 5. As of today I have memorised the first four verses for sure sometimes I can even get to the fifth verse of the first chapter which may seem pathetic I know. Ironically though it is the first four verses that carried me through mourning the loss of our Jojo.
I decided to memorise these verses out of my NAS bible. Let me try to type them without looking.... here goes.
James, a bond-servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ to the twelve tribes dispersed abroad. Greetings,
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when encountering various trials
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance
and let endurance have its perfect result, so you may be made complete and perfect, lacking in nothing.
and if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask of God....
ok ... I have to check now if that is correct... that's about all I have memorised right at this moment.
ok , so I mixed up the order of some words. It should read "perfect and complete" and "but if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach and it will be given to him.
Why wouldn't I just correct it? I'm trying to see how much I actually committed to memory and am asking you to keep me accountable in a way I guess. lol.
Anyway.... these are the verses that kept me going. It's hard , if not impossible to consider it all joy when thinking of the loss of our sister, but knowing that she is in heaven surrounded in His perfect love is a joyful thought. Verse five, "but if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach and it will be given to him." reminded me, daily, to pray for wisdom if nothing else. If there is anything I KNOW for sure is God's timing is perfect, He is in full control. Though we may not agree or understand why these things happen especially when they happen, and may NEVER know this side of eternity what the purpose is, I KNOW He knows. I KNOW God is love, God is good and I can rest in THAT knowledge.
Verse 27 of Chapter 1 also resonated in this circumstance. "This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep one unstained by the world"
I could have chosen to shut myself and my immediate family away from all those around us. To cry for a seemingly senseless death of a beautiful woman, sister, friend. Which I guess to some degree we did, but we took our moments to do that, what was more important was her family. Her husband and her daughters. If we were feeling hit hard by losing her, imagine what they were going through. Gotta step up, get out of your own grief. Mourn, but not let it consume you to the point where you can't help those who need you more.
As the study continued and we got into the second chapter of James, more truth hit me square in the face. James brings a very real issue up. One as real today as it was then. Favouritism. Seriously? Ask yourself. Do you treat someone who is well dressed and has money better than you would treat someone living on the street? Of course. Most people would admit if we were really being honest with our selves. verses 4 and 5 of the second chapter got to me.
4. have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives?
5. Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?
Does it make you think twice about how you treat those "less fortunate"? Convicted me, I know that!
James does give us a little encouragement though.
verse 8. If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law, according to the scripture, " You shall love your neighbour as yourself," you are doing well.
whew! But are you? Treating others, rich or poor, black or white, short, tall, fat , skinny, etc. the same as how YOU would like to be treated? If so, way to go! If not, keep verse 13 in mind.
13. For judgement will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy, mercy triumphs over judgement.
It kind of keeps mercy for others in the forefront of the mind doesn't it?? Let's remember here, James was speaking to the twelve tribes dispersed abroad. Meaning the twelve tribes of Israel. God's chosen people. Believers. We as Christians are the ones he is speaking to. He's asking us these tough questions. So many people believe the words in the Bible to be harsh and judgemental to them as "non-believers". Is that because we who claim to be Christians and have not studied the very Word that God has given to us through the pages of this sacred text, twisted them around to point the finger at those who aren't believers to convict them? Is it any wonder why some say "take your judgement and ram it." ? Thinking that is all Christianity is about. Pointing the finger at judging others? Again , refer back to James 1:13. If we are true believers, we've asked God for forgiveness and been cleansed of all our sin, we've asked the Holy Spirit into our hearts, we MUST be transformed. Salvation is a free gift given to us through the sacrifice of Christ's blood on the cross and his resurrection. We just need to accept that free gift. Does it stop there though? James brings in the question, "What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?" in verse 14. He goes on to explain what does it matter if you come across someone who is in need of food or clothing and we as Christians just say basically "alright then, be blessed, eat and get yourself some new threads" and then just walk away without helping to supply what they need when we are very capable of doing so, what the heck is the point?? What use was that?? If you see someone in need and you can help, then do it! Ok. so I used my own words there but you get the point.
We are so incredibly blessed in this country. Most of us have jobs, a house, clothes, food, vehicles, vacation homes or at least vacation time and enough money in the bank to go some where to unwind. We have so much and some of us have it in abundance! Over abundance really. To the point that does it sometimes seem to you like we are in some kind of race to see you can possess the most stuff?? Meanwhile there are countries around the globe that don't even have clean water to drink. Forget about hordes of clothing in varying sizes that we hold on to. Not to mention every other thing we pack into our storage areas and garages because some day we may need them. Some people living in slums that we wouldn't consider laying our baby toe into if we had the choice. Yes, turn off that giant screen t.v. so we don't have to be inconvenienced with feeling something for those less fortunate. I can put my $20.00 in the offering plate and say I did something for the greater good of humanity. Then look down at the woman sitting next to me and get enthralled with choice of foot wear then start thinking of the next possible moment I can go in search of my next collection of summer foot wear. Now don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with a little shopping therapy... but what about those gently used items? Could we seriously not go through the mounds of possessions we have that we no longer use and give them to someone or an organisation that will give them to people who are in need of them. There are countless agencies that have chosen to fulfil those very needs. Is it that hard to pick up a phone and have them pick it up? Even better, throw them into the car and drop them off. I'm truly not pointing the finger at anyone in particular except maybe myself first and foremost.
I know, I've gone off on a rant... but my point is this, Jesus wants us to take care of those who need help. If we have the means to do that, is it really that hard?
Moving on...
James 3 is all about controlling the tongue. How we bless our Lord and Father one minute and curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God the next. How it's just not to be that way. I don't know about you but I've heard and said the statement "wow, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" or really, " you sing praises to God with that mouth?" This chapter spoke truth into my heart for sure! I'll just point out a couple of verses from this chapter. verses 16-17.
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."
For me, this spoke to my heart because I do, at times, get jealous of what others have that I don't or can't afford. I have selfishly forged ahead in hot pursuit of possessions or even promotions that I wanted but certainly didn't need only to realise that it didn't bring me the joy and satisfaction I thought it would. Sometimes even feeling sick to my stomach over the cost of getting it. Did I work so hard to be able to afford unnecessary items at the expense of spending time with my family and friends? Let's not even mention talking about other people and judging how they are living their lives. Controlling the tongue is a tough thing. This is where I ask for wisdom from above and ask God to fill me with mercy and grace for others as He as shown to me. It's a process isn't it? Wisdom and growth?
James 4 had a few special verses for me. Verses 3, 7-8,11 and 14 in particular. So many times we as Christians spend time in prayer asking for the desires of our hearts. Verse 3 says "You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures." I think this spoke to me right now because I was just saying to my husband how great it would be to have an acreage somewhere south west of town. Somewhere we could enjoy the view of the mountains, get out of the hustle and bustle of city life, and while we're dreaming, maybe even have a few horses. Now while this is a perfectly fine dream to have, we seriously could never afford that right now and is just ridiculous. Ridiculous because I found myself thinking "Seriously God, if I had that, I would totally dedicate it to you! I'd open up our home to events and retreats to people in the church. How great would that be?" I'm thinking it would be great! Is that the real motivation though? I have to ponder on that some more... lol. As I do I think of verse 7 and 8.
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. "
James speaks about being just a vapour that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. That got me thinking about how truly short our lives are. I didn't need to think on that too hard as my sister in laws life was so short. It makes me realise the pursuit of all these things just isn't the important thing. What am I doing in this short time? Am I so focused on trivial things? Trivial worries and stresses that just don't matter? This life is just so short. We have to make every moment count. To be grateful for all we have and to share it with others.
Making it this far through the study, you definitely feel a little beat up. Totally convicted and a little like a dog with it's head hanging and tail tucked between it's legs. I did anyway. Chapter five nailed me with discussing patience. Not one of my virtues! but to strengthen my heart towards the Lord. To not complain about one another. To not judge.
Then verse 11 got to me.
Behold, we count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lords dealings that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful. After studying Job's story, we are completely assured that this is true. I mean, Job had everything taken from him, his family, his riches , his health. He never lost faith. He knew God was in control and praised His name in the middle of everything. God gave him everything he had lost two fold! Who among us is really put to the test like that?
Verses 13-16 are so reassuring.
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you maybe healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
In the ladies group that I meet with once a week and am doing this study with, we have the opportunity to pray together. To pray over one another. The blessing and honour it is to be able to be a part of that kind of "family" is incredible. I don't have the words to express what it is like. The power of selfless intercessory prayer for one another is an amazing thing to be a part of. I have been blessed in the past to be prayed over in very difficult times and the overwhelming peace is straight from God Himself. I'm incredibly grateful.
So what has all of this taught me when all is said and done?
You have to LIVE your faith. Faith without works is dead. That if you have truly been transformed in Christ, those around you should and will see it through your works. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind , body and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself. Don't judge others because there is only one Judge who is worthy to do that. Show the love, compassion and mercy of Him who has shown it to you. Don't forget the poor, the widowed and the orphaned. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. We don't have the answers for everything but there is One who knows and is in control. We make a choice when pondering the bad and unjust and unexplained events of our lives. We can get mad, bitter and resentful, resulting in anger and depression or we can have peace in the knowledge that God can use all things for good for those who love Him. We can help those who have been in similar circumstances, showing them there is hope. God is loving and compassionate and merciful.
There is a lot to do and time is short, what choice will you make?
Studying these precious five chapters has been an amazing gift. God's perfect timing in my life. It has uplifted me, surrounded me with peace and comfort during one of the most difficult times in my life. As some of you know, we suffered the tragic and very sudden loss of my husbands younger sister a week before this past Christmas and while we continue to mourn her passing, the fact that this study started in January was no coincidence. I have come to realise God's timing is purposeful and perfect.
I found this particular study to be easier in some ways and yet more in depth than other studies Beth Moore has written. In this one she asked her readers to commit to however many levels we decided we could accomplish. There is five.
1. Watch the videos - easy enough, incredibly informative and entertaining
2. Complete the Homework- I would get behind at times but have caught up and completed it now. It is truly fascinating how much easier it is to understand what is written when you learn about the traditions of the time. The way she will explain what the original Greek or Hebrew text said, the meaning behind it and how and why it was translated the way it was.
3. Hand write James- Easy enough to do, I would sit down and copy a chapter at a time, when I had time but she actually would get you to stop and write a few verses at time through out the study. There were no hard and fast rules to this, you did what you could do when you could do it.
4. Read Articles- dispersed through out the days and weeks of the study, Beth's daughter Melissa penned various articles that explained even more about the themes, the times and the traditions of the day. Yet a whole new level! Very exciting!
5. Memorise James. - ok... this is where I stopped and decided, "well I'll try....". Seriously though, with being the 40 something mother of a preschooler and a toddler, I'm lucky if I remember my own name some days never mind an entire book of the bible!!
So I committed to completing the first four and would make an effort to accomplishing step 5. As of today I have memorised the first four verses for sure sometimes I can even get to the fifth verse of the first chapter which may seem pathetic I know. Ironically though it is the first four verses that carried me through mourning the loss of our Jojo.
I decided to memorise these verses out of my NAS bible. Let me try to type them without looking.... here goes.
James, a bond-servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ to the twelve tribes dispersed abroad. Greetings,
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when encountering various trials
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance
and let endurance have its perfect result, so you may be made complete and perfect, lacking in nothing.
and if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask of God....
ok ... I have to check now if that is correct... that's about all I have memorised right at this moment.
ok , so I mixed up the order of some words. It should read "perfect and complete" and "but if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach and it will be given to him.
Why wouldn't I just correct it? I'm trying to see how much I actually committed to memory and am asking you to keep me accountable in a way I guess. lol.
Anyway.... these are the verses that kept me going. It's hard , if not impossible to consider it all joy when thinking of the loss of our sister, but knowing that she is in heaven surrounded in His perfect love is a joyful thought. Verse five, "but if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach and it will be given to him." reminded me, daily, to pray for wisdom if nothing else. If there is anything I KNOW for sure is God's timing is perfect, He is in full control. Though we may not agree or understand why these things happen especially when they happen, and may NEVER know this side of eternity what the purpose is, I KNOW He knows. I KNOW God is love, God is good and I can rest in THAT knowledge.
Verse 27 of Chapter 1 also resonated in this circumstance. "This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep one unstained by the world"
I could have chosen to shut myself and my immediate family away from all those around us. To cry for a seemingly senseless death of a beautiful woman, sister, friend. Which I guess to some degree we did, but we took our moments to do that, what was more important was her family. Her husband and her daughters. If we were feeling hit hard by losing her, imagine what they were going through. Gotta step up, get out of your own grief. Mourn, but not let it consume you to the point where you can't help those who need you more.
As the study continued and we got into the second chapter of James, more truth hit me square in the face. James brings a very real issue up. One as real today as it was then. Favouritism. Seriously? Ask yourself. Do you treat someone who is well dressed and has money better than you would treat someone living on the street? Of course. Most people would admit if we were really being honest with our selves. verses 4 and 5 of the second chapter got to me.
4. have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives?
5. Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?
Does it make you think twice about how you treat those "less fortunate"? Convicted me, I know that!
James does give us a little encouragement though.
verse 8. If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law, according to the scripture, " You shall love your neighbour as yourself," you are doing well.
whew! But are you? Treating others, rich or poor, black or white, short, tall, fat , skinny, etc. the same as how YOU would like to be treated? If so, way to go! If not, keep verse 13 in mind.
13. For judgement will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy, mercy triumphs over judgement.
It kind of keeps mercy for others in the forefront of the mind doesn't it?? Let's remember here, James was speaking to the twelve tribes dispersed abroad. Meaning the twelve tribes of Israel. God's chosen people. Believers. We as Christians are the ones he is speaking to. He's asking us these tough questions. So many people believe the words in the Bible to be harsh and judgemental to them as "non-believers". Is that because we who claim to be Christians and have not studied the very Word that God has given to us through the pages of this sacred text, twisted them around to point the finger at those who aren't believers to convict them? Is it any wonder why some say "take your judgement and ram it." ? Thinking that is all Christianity is about. Pointing the finger at judging others? Again , refer back to James 1:13. If we are true believers, we've asked God for forgiveness and been cleansed of all our sin, we've asked the Holy Spirit into our hearts, we MUST be transformed. Salvation is a free gift given to us through the sacrifice of Christ's blood on the cross and his resurrection. We just need to accept that free gift. Does it stop there though? James brings in the question, "What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?" in verse 14. He goes on to explain what does it matter if you come across someone who is in need of food or clothing and we as Christians just say basically "alright then, be blessed, eat and get yourself some new threads" and then just walk away without helping to supply what they need when we are very capable of doing so, what the heck is the point?? What use was that?? If you see someone in need and you can help, then do it! Ok. so I used my own words there but you get the point.
We are so incredibly blessed in this country. Most of us have jobs, a house, clothes, food, vehicles, vacation homes or at least vacation time and enough money in the bank to go some where to unwind. We have so much and some of us have it in abundance! Over abundance really. To the point that does it sometimes seem to you like we are in some kind of race to see you can possess the most stuff?? Meanwhile there are countries around the globe that don't even have clean water to drink. Forget about hordes of clothing in varying sizes that we hold on to. Not to mention every other thing we pack into our storage areas and garages because some day we may need them. Some people living in slums that we wouldn't consider laying our baby toe into if we had the choice. Yes, turn off that giant screen t.v. so we don't have to be inconvenienced with feeling something for those less fortunate. I can put my $20.00 in the offering plate and say I did something for the greater good of humanity. Then look down at the woman sitting next to me and get enthralled with choice of foot wear then start thinking of the next possible moment I can go in search of my next collection of summer foot wear. Now don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with a little shopping therapy... but what about those gently used items? Could we seriously not go through the mounds of possessions we have that we no longer use and give them to someone or an organisation that will give them to people who are in need of them. There are countless agencies that have chosen to fulfil those very needs. Is it that hard to pick up a phone and have them pick it up? Even better, throw them into the car and drop them off. I'm truly not pointing the finger at anyone in particular except maybe myself first and foremost.
I know, I've gone off on a rant... but my point is this, Jesus wants us to take care of those who need help. If we have the means to do that, is it really that hard?
Moving on...
James 3 is all about controlling the tongue. How we bless our Lord and Father one minute and curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God the next. How it's just not to be that way. I don't know about you but I've heard and said the statement "wow, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" or really, " you sing praises to God with that mouth?" This chapter spoke truth into my heart for sure! I'll just point out a couple of verses from this chapter. verses 16-17.
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."
For me, this spoke to my heart because I do, at times, get jealous of what others have that I don't or can't afford. I have selfishly forged ahead in hot pursuit of possessions or even promotions that I wanted but certainly didn't need only to realise that it didn't bring me the joy and satisfaction I thought it would. Sometimes even feeling sick to my stomach over the cost of getting it. Did I work so hard to be able to afford unnecessary items at the expense of spending time with my family and friends? Let's not even mention talking about other people and judging how they are living their lives. Controlling the tongue is a tough thing. This is where I ask for wisdom from above and ask God to fill me with mercy and grace for others as He as shown to me. It's a process isn't it? Wisdom and growth?
James 4 had a few special verses for me. Verses 3, 7-8,11 and 14 in particular. So many times we as Christians spend time in prayer asking for the desires of our hearts. Verse 3 says "You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures." I think this spoke to me right now because I was just saying to my husband how great it would be to have an acreage somewhere south west of town. Somewhere we could enjoy the view of the mountains, get out of the hustle and bustle of city life, and while we're dreaming, maybe even have a few horses. Now while this is a perfectly fine dream to have, we seriously could never afford that right now and is just ridiculous. Ridiculous because I found myself thinking "Seriously God, if I had that, I would totally dedicate it to you! I'd open up our home to events and retreats to people in the church. How great would that be?" I'm thinking it would be great! Is that the real motivation though? I have to ponder on that some more... lol. As I do I think of verse 7 and 8.
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. "
James speaks about being just a vapour that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. That got me thinking about how truly short our lives are. I didn't need to think on that too hard as my sister in laws life was so short. It makes me realise the pursuit of all these things just isn't the important thing. What am I doing in this short time? Am I so focused on trivial things? Trivial worries and stresses that just don't matter? This life is just so short. We have to make every moment count. To be grateful for all we have and to share it with others.
Making it this far through the study, you definitely feel a little beat up. Totally convicted and a little like a dog with it's head hanging and tail tucked between it's legs. I did anyway. Chapter five nailed me with discussing patience. Not one of my virtues! but to strengthen my heart towards the Lord. To not complain about one another. To not judge.
Then verse 11 got to me.
Behold, we count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lords dealings that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful. After studying Job's story, we are completely assured that this is true. I mean, Job had everything taken from him, his family, his riches , his health. He never lost faith. He knew God was in control and praised His name in the middle of everything. God gave him everything he had lost two fold! Who among us is really put to the test like that?
Verses 13-16 are so reassuring.
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you maybe healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
In the ladies group that I meet with once a week and am doing this study with, we have the opportunity to pray together. To pray over one another. The blessing and honour it is to be able to be a part of that kind of "family" is incredible. I don't have the words to express what it is like. The power of selfless intercessory prayer for one another is an amazing thing to be a part of. I have been blessed in the past to be prayed over in very difficult times and the overwhelming peace is straight from God Himself. I'm incredibly grateful.
So what has all of this taught me when all is said and done?
You have to LIVE your faith. Faith without works is dead. That if you have truly been transformed in Christ, those around you should and will see it through your works. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind , body and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself. Don't judge others because there is only one Judge who is worthy to do that. Show the love, compassion and mercy of Him who has shown it to you. Don't forget the poor, the widowed and the orphaned. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. We don't have the answers for everything but there is One who knows and is in control. We make a choice when pondering the bad and unjust and unexplained events of our lives. We can get mad, bitter and resentful, resulting in anger and depression or we can have peace in the knowledge that God can use all things for good for those who love Him. We can help those who have been in similar circumstances, showing them there is hope. God is loving and compassionate and merciful.
There is a lot to do and time is short, what choice will you make?
Monday, 30 April 2012
Time really is short.
It's early for me, yes me, to be pondering. Normally I try not to think too deeply in the morning, well atleast not until my first pot of coffee is on the go and I have a steaming cut of my favorite vanilla coffee in my hand. When it is warm out, I like to sit in my back yard, breathe in the fresh, crisp morning air and thank God for another day. To bless us and make it a beautiful and productive day.
This morning it was a little "too crisp" to sit outside so I stood in my kitchen as I enjoyed my coffee and picked up my morning devotional book that I keep on the counter. I've decided that it is a great start in the morning. It's short, there are no questions to answer but it really puts my mind in the right direction for the day.
This mornings devotion reads as follows:
TIME IS SHORT
"I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together."
John 4:35-36
The fields are ready for harvest. God knows that people, many people are ready to hear the salvation message. They are ready to accept Christ, but they have to hear the message. It must make Him sad that some of those He has appointed to sow the seed are not doing the job.
Each of us has a role to play in bringing others to Christ. You may sow, you may water, you may reap. Whatever your job is, get busy and do it. Time is short.
This is taken from "One minute devotions for women" by Carolyn Larsen
As I finished reading it, I decided this deserved a few minutes of pondering, so with coffee in hand I went to my back yard, knowing my children were occupied with "the cat in the hat".
What I came up with or rather what I felt the Holy Spirit guided my thoughts to, was not what I expected. I thought He would have shown me an answer or atleast guided me in the right direction as to where he wants me to serve. I have had many directions in mind for myself lately. Should I continue getting involved with Women's ministries, or young people as "bullying" is a problem in our society that is close to my heart. Or because I have small children should I be more involved with children's ministries?
I started pondering my issue with frustration resulting in anger. Outbursts that can only be equalled by my almost 3 year old son. I pondered how just last week the prayer of my "almost 5" year old son really seemed to "temper" that particular problem. Pun intended. I thought for a few minutes after I had asked my son to pray for me as I felt I was going to "lose it", how sad is that. My poor son who has to pray for his mom because she's going to lose her mind to frustration, shouldn't this be the other way around? I decided though, through the encouragement of friends, that I was teaching him to go to God when you feel you just can't deal anymore. Atleast that's what I'm sticking with anyway...lol. Not the ideal way to teach him I suppose but atleast he won't grow up thinking his mother is perfect right? I have defineately proven to him that I need God to get me through the day. That thought took me to another place I hadn't thought I would revisit. Back to the days of full time employment.
You see, if you have known me for longer than a few years, you would know that I have been a hairstylist for 26 years. 21 of those years without children. I was used to having one on one relationships with my clients. Listening to their deepest darkest confessions and funny stories about their daily events. Over those twenty something years, I have done everything from apprenticing, to managing salons, compete in hair competitions at a provincial level, to starting my own business, renting a chair, educate apprentices to become an educator at a school for hair design to become what the industry likes to label a "master stylist, master colourist and master judge". I was used to a certain level of respect from my peers. I was used to people listening to me. I was used to people, for the most part, doing as I asked. As far as students and coworkers or assistants went that is. I was used to working with adults. I started to realise that I had more patience and understanding for the adults I had a associated with, whether I liked them or not, than I had for my children, whom I love with all of my heart and soul.
I began to realise that my "job" as I knew it, over a span of twenty years, was in the past. My "job" now is to manage this house, to support my husband and to sow the seeds of God's love in the lives of my children. To teach them, to spend time with them, to love them. To watch them and take enjoyment as they learn new skills and enjoy the simplicity of their lives while sowing the seeds of knowledge that they will reap as they mature. I pray daily that God protects my boys, my precious gifts from Him. I pray He uses them to be mighty men of God one day. Daily I have to remind myself that they are not really mine, they are His, and it's my job to guide them back to Him. I've realised that my impatience, frustration and anger came from a place of insecurity, of not knowing how to achieve that seemingly impossible new responsibility. I realised when I had to learn how to do something I would go to and surround myself with "experts". "Master's" in whatever field or subject I needed to learn. I realised I had to do that as a mother. God gave me wonderful "teachers" already. My own mother, my grandmother, Mrs. Nellie Wallace, Mrs. Silvia Powell, Mrs. Dawn Bon Bernard, many ladies of the church that are godly women. Most of all though He gave me the example of Jesus Christ. My instruction book is the Bible, my example is the life and teachings of Jesus. My master is God. In that knowledge I have peace. I have confidence to boldly approach the thrown of my Father when I am in need of instruction. I am thankful for the examples He has placed in my life.
The job is great and honourable, the time is short. Enjoy every precious moment and make it count!
This morning it was a little "too crisp" to sit outside so I stood in my kitchen as I enjoyed my coffee and picked up my morning devotional book that I keep on the counter. I've decided that it is a great start in the morning. It's short, there are no questions to answer but it really puts my mind in the right direction for the day.
This mornings devotion reads as follows:
TIME IS SHORT
"I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together."
John 4:35-36
The fields are ready for harvest. God knows that people, many people are ready to hear the salvation message. They are ready to accept Christ, but they have to hear the message. It must make Him sad that some of those He has appointed to sow the seed are not doing the job.
Each of us has a role to play in bringing others to Christ. You may sow, you may water, you may reap. Whatever your job is, get busy and do it. Time is short.
This is taken from "One minute devotions for women" by Carolyn Larsen
As I finished reading it, I decided this deserved a few minutes of pondering, so with coffee in hand I went to my back yard, knowing my children were occupied with "the cat in the hat".
What I came up with or rather what I felt the Holy Spirit guided my thoughts to, was not what I expected. I thought He would have shown me an answer or atleast guided me in the right direction as to where he wants me to serve. I have had many directions in mind for myself lately. Should I continue getting involved with Women's ministries, or young people as "bullying" is a problem in our society that is close to my heart. Or because I have small children should I be more involved with children's ministries?
I started pondering my issue with frustration resulting in anger. Outbursts that can only be equalled by my almost 3 year old son. I pondered how just last week the prayer of my "almost 5" year old son really seemed to "temper" that particular problem. Pun intended. I thought for a few minutes after I had asked my son to pray for me as I felt I was going to "lose it", how sad is that. My poor son who has to pray for his mom because she's going to lose her mind to frustration, shouldn't this be the other way around? I decided though, through the encouragement of friends, that I was teaching him to go to God when you feel you just can't deal anymore. Atleast that's what I'm sticking with anyway...lol. Not the ideal way to teach him I suppose but atleast he won't grow up thinking his mother is perfect right? I have defineately proven to him that I need God to get me through the day. That thought took me to another place I hadn't thought I would revisit. Back to the days of full time employment.
You see, if you have known me for longer than a few years, you would know that I have been a hairstylist for 26 years. 21 of those years without children. I was used to having one on one relationships with my clients. Listening to their deepest darkest confessions and funny stories about their daily events. Over those twenty something years, I have done everything from apprenticing, to managing salons, compete in hair competitions at a provincial level, to starting my own business, renting a chair, educate apprentices to become an educator at a school for hair design to become what the industry likes to label a "master stylist, master colourist and master judge". I was used to a certain level of respect from my peers. I was used to people listening to me. I was used to people, for the most part, doing as I asked. As far as students and coworkers or assistants went that is. I was used to working with adults. I started to realise that I had more patience and understanding for the adults I had a associated with, whether I liked them or not, than I had for my children, whom I love with all of my heart and soul.
I began to realise that my "job" as I knew it, over a span of twenty years, was in the past. My "job" now is to manage this house, to support my husband and to sow the seeds of God's love in the lives of my children. To teach them, to spend time with them, to love them. To watch them and take enjoyment as they learn new skills and enjoy the simplicity of their lives while sowing the seeds of knowledge that they will reap as they mature. I pray daily that God protects my boys, my precious gifts from Him. I pray He uses them to be mighty men of God one day. Daily I have to remind myself that they are not really mine, they are His, and it's my job to guide them back to Him. I've realised that my impatience, frustration and anger came from a place of insecurity, of not knowing how to achieve that seemingly impossible new responsibility. I realised when I had to learn how to do something I would go to and surround myself with "experts". "Master's" in whatever field or subject I needed to learn. I realised I had to do that as a mother. God gave me wonderful "teachers" already. My own mother, my grandmother, Mrs. Nellie Wallace, Mrs. Silvia Powell, Mrs. Dawn Bon Bernard, many ladies of the church that are godly women. Most of all though He gave me the example of Jesus Christ. My instruction book is the Bible, my example is the life and teachings of Jesus. My master is God. In that knowledge I have peace. I have confidence to boldly approach the thrown of my Father when I am in need of instruction. I am thankful for the examples He has placed in my life.
The job is great and honourable, the time is short. Enjoy every precious moment and make it count!
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
There has been so many things bouncing around my mind to write about that I couldn't decide on one subject. Finally one seems to be remaining at the forefront of my mind. Out of all the things I hear and and see one subject seems to touch my heart and soul more than any other so I have learned to pay attention.
Bullying.
I don't know anyone that hasn't been bullied on some level in their life time. Some have been bullied by the very people they are to trust the most. Some by peers. Some by people they have never met. Victims of bullying choose one of a few different paths. Some choose to stop being the victim and be the bully. Some get beaten down and retreat into themselves slowly becoming smaller and smaller until their self worth has all but been destroyed. Some choose to listen to the positive voice of the loving people around them and soldier on fighting to continue to love those around them. I'm not a psychologist or expert by any stretch of the imagination but I've worked and watched people on an intimate level for many many years. I see the pain the toxic words and actions have on these people and it aches my soul.
I, myself felt bullied by the cruel words of peers as an elementry student. I wasn't pretty enough, though I was slim I had a lower abdomen that would get distended at times. I will never forget the girl in grade 4 that told me with disgust written all over her face " only fat people have that!" Other things said to me was "don't you have anything to say? what's wrong with you are you shy or just stupid?" then later "you're obnoxious, stop talking." Now, I have come to realize that youngsters like that are trying to find themselves. At that age they are starting to realize the differences in each other. Some are just voicing observations in those differences not realizing the words are cruel and cutting. Some have had cruel comments said to them and feel the need to lash out at others. Later realizing that they were hurt and angry not even knowing why they would treat someone else like that. Some know exactly why. They are hurt and angry and want others to feel like they do.
In my junior high years I chose to hang out with bullys in order to protect myself from them. I figured if I was friends with them they would leave me alone. I soon realized that was a huge mistake as I was turning into the very person I was trying to protect myself from. I tried to intimidate people, tease them and threaten to tell their parents they were doing something wrong whether they were or not. All things that were done to me. One day my "friend" threatened to beat up one of my other friends. That was the last straw. No one was going to hurt this girl if I could help it. My "friend" got in my face and threatened that if I got in her way she was going to beat me up and before I knew it, my other friend had been pushed over landing on her back. I was ashamed and embarrassed. My friends were laughing, my other friend was hurt and crying laying on her back. I was standing there ashamed. What had I become. Eventually we helped my hurt friend up and as I left her to take care of herself at the community center that was close by I left for home in disgust and shame. A protective instinct kicked in when I realized my other "friends" followed her into the community center. I turned around and went back to make sure she was going to be alright. What I found was my hurt friend trying to clean herself up and my bully friend trying to forge a new friendship with her. I think I told her to leave my other friend alone and left bringing my hurt friend with me. As we walked home I apologized, told her I was ashamed of who I had become. Our friendship was damaged though. There was going to have to be alot of change on my part. I knew that, she didn't say it. I doubted we would ever be close again and I realized I had lost a dear and valuable friendship forever. I don't remember whether I ended the friendship immediately with my bully friends or shortly thereafter. It was fairly easy to sever ties as my loving mother told me to use her as an excuse. To tell them I was no longer "allowed" to hang out with them. Yes, I was a coward. I used the excuse. I wish I had the back bone to tell them that I thought they were cruel. Cowardly. Everything I had become. Seemed like the pot calling the kettle black though. Eventually they were all kicked out of school for various reasons. Bullying, drugs, absenteeism resulting in failing grades. Did God know my fears? Was it a God thing these people were removed from my life because I was too weak to walk away from them? I don't know but it's what happened. I've learned that God has protected in me so many situations I can't even begin to tell you. I learned over that summer going into grade 9 that God has a plan for all of us, that He will use all things for good for those who love Him. So many life changing events happened that summer full of anguish and joy. I had to make a choice. Who was I going to follow? Was I going to become a person I would constantly be ashamed of? Was I going to remain a bully or become an advocate against it. Was I going to love my neighbor as myself? Was I going to treat people as I wanted to be treated? My problem was, I didn't love myself at that moment but I knew God did, though I was pretty sure he was disappointed in the way I was acting. I chose God. I chose to start seeing myself as He saw me, not how others did. I chose to be brave enough to start showing who I wanted to be. Someone that loved others. That protected those smaller and weaker than myself. To help others where I could. Without violence or intimidation, but with a gentle and loving spirit.
I'm not saying this was an overnight change. I still screwed up on occasion. Defensiveness and anger had grown roots that took years to dig up and throw out... and I mean YEARS!
As I continued through grade 9 and then on to senior high I tried to be the neutral friend and be the mediator when friends were arguing or even ready to "throw down". I did what I could to calm the waters so to speak. It's been many many years to forgive myself for stupid decisions I made in one year of schooling. Though I continue to remind myself that God can use my mistakes. Every day I seem to hear or watch something about bullying and it touches not only my heart but my soul. Recently Pastor Scott Weatherford said something that really hit me. He says alot that really hits me actually. Prayer without action doesn't mean much. That is not a direct quote but thats what I heard. I believe the context in which he said it was, if you feel strongly about something and you see someone in need and just say to them "go and be blessed" and do nothing to tangibly help that need... it doesn't really mean much does it? Sorry Pastor Scott if I got that all wrong but that's what I got out of that.
Bullying terrifies me, it was bad when I was young but with technology and the internet its a whole new ball game. Kids commiting suicide because they just can't take it anymore is unacceptable. I worry about my boys. How will they handle it? I pray daily for God to protect them always and forever hold them in His hand... just as my own parents did for my brother and I. I pray for loved ones going through bullying issues. I pray for those I don't know. I watched a post someone put on facebook of a young 17 year old boy on Britains got talent. His name is Jonathon Antoine. He's got a voice that touched my heart and soul but a story that touched me more. He's still seeing a psychologist but had a nervous breakdown last year due to the bullying he's had to live with his whole life. It broke my heart that such a talent could have been never discovered because the cruelty inflicted on this boy. I thank God for the voice coaches that put him together with a beautiful 16 year old girl who has a voice that compliments his and encouraged them to try out for the show. I wish there was some way I could support this young man and his friend and encourage them. I know God will show me a way.
The most important thing God has taught me is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are all so unique, we should celebrate each others differences. I love meeting and getting to know people because as you do you find deeper and deeper layers. We are all given different talents and passions. We are given these talents and passions to glorify His name with. God rejoices when he sees us enjoy and use the various talents and gifts He has given us and wants us to share them. You never know how you are going to touch someones heart and soul with the gift you've been given. You never know how you are going to be a blessing to others.You just need to have the courage to share it. Learn to love yourself as God does. You are a unique creation. One of a kind. Celbrate that!! No one does you like you! No one has your back like He does. If you choose to follow God's will for your life, you've got the best Encourager ever. You've got God on your side. If you are living and breathing on this planet you were meant to be here. God has a purpose for you life. Stop worrying about how others will think of your gifts and passions. Be yourself, be the person God intended you to be. Trust in Him, love others as the unique creation they are. Don't listen to the ones who choose the other path. Lift each other up.
As I wrap up I ask for one thing. Pray that I will be open to doing God's will in my life. I pray for anyone affected by bullying but I want to some how take action as well. Pray that God shows me how I am to do that, if that is in fact His will.
Bullying.
I don't know anyone that hasn't been bullied on some level in their life time. Some have been bullied by the very people they are to trust the most. Some by peers. Some by people they have never met. Victims of bullying choose one of a few different paths. Some choose to stop being the victim and be the bully. Some get beaten down and retreat into themselves slowly becoming smaller and smaller until their self worth has all but been destroyed. Some choose to listen to the positive voice of the loving people around them and soldier on fighting to continue to love those around them. I'm not a psychologist or expert by any stretch of the imagination but I've worked and watched people on an intimate level for many many years. I see the pain the toxic words and actions have on these people and it aches my soul.
I, myself felt bullied by the cruel words of peers as an elementry student. I wasn't pretty enough, though I was slim I had a lower abdomen that would get distended at times. I will never forget the girl in grade 4 that told me with disgust written all over her face " only fat people have that!" Other things said to me was "don't you have anything to say? what's wrong with you are you shy or just stupid?" then later "you're obnoxious, stop talking." Now, I have come to realize that youngsters like that are trying to find themselves. At that age they are starting to realize the differences in each other. Some are just voicing observations in those differences not realizing the words are cruel and cutting. Some have had cruel comments said to them and feel the need to lash out at others. Later realizing that they were hurt and angry not even knowing why they would treat someone else like that. Some know exactly why. They are hurt and angry and want others to feel like they do.
In my junior high years I chose to hang out with bullys in order to protect myself from them. I figured if I was friends with them they would leave me alone. I soon realized that was a huge mistake as I was turning into the very person I was trying to protect myself from. I tried to intimidate people, tease them and threaten to tell their parents they were doing something wrong whether they were or not. All things that were done to me. One day my "friend" threatened to beat up one of my other friends. That was the last straw. No one was going to hurt this girl if I could help it. My "friend" got in my face and threatened that if I got in her way she was going to beat me up and before I knew it, my other friend had been pushed over landing on her back. I was ashamed and embarrassed. My friends were laughing, my other friend was hurt and crying laying on her back. I was standing there ashamed. What had I become. Eventually we helped my hurt friend up and as I left her to take care of herself at the community center that was close by I left for home in disgust and shame. A protective instinct kicked in when I realized my other "friends" followed her into the community center. I turned around and went back to make sure she was going to be alright. What I found was my hurt friend trying to clean herself up and my bully friend trying to forge a new friendship with her. I think I told her to leave my other friend alone and left bringing my hurt friend with me. As we walked home I apologized, told her I was ashamed of who I had become. Our friendship was damaged though. There was going to have to be alot of change on my part. I knew that, she didn't say it. I doubted we would ever be close again and I realized I had lost a dear and valuable friendship forever. I don't remember whether I ended the friendship immediately with my bully friends or shortly thereafter. It was fairly easy to sever ties as my loving mother told me to use her as an excuse. To tell them I was no longer "allowed" to hang out with them. Yes, I was a coward. I used the excuse. I wish I had the back bone to tell them that I thought they were cruel. Cowardly. Everything I had become. Seemed like the pot calling the kettle black though. Eventually they were all kicked out of school for various reasons. Bullying, drugs, absenteeism resulting in failing grades. Did God know my fears? Was it a God thing these people were removed from my life because I was too weak to walk away from them? I don't know but it's what happened. I've learned that God has protected in me so many situations I can't even begin to tell you. I learned over that summer going into grade 9 that God has a plan for all of us, that He will use all things for good for those who love Him. So many life changing events happened that summer full of anguish and joy. I had to make a choice. Who was I going to follow? Was I going to become a person I would constantly be ashamed of? Was I going to remain a bully or become an advocate against it. Was I going to love my neighbor as myself? Was I going to treat people as I wanted to be treated? My problem was, I didn't love myself at that moment but I knew God did, though I was pretty sure he was disappointed in the way I was acting. I chose God. I chose to start seeing myself as He saw me, not how others did. I chose to be brave enough to start showing who I wanted to be. Someone that loved others. That protected those smaller and weaker than myself. To help others where I could. Without violence or intimidation, but with a gentle and loving spirit.
I'm not saying this was an overnight change. I still screwed up on occasion. Defensiveness and anger had grown roots that took years to dig up and throw out... and I mean YEARS!
As I continued through grade 9 and then on to senior high I tried to be the neutral friend and be the mediator when friends were arguing or even ready to "throw down". I did what I could to calm the waters so to speak. It's been many many years to forgive myself for stupid decisions I made in one year of schooling. Though I continue to remind myself that God can use my mistakes. Every day I seem to hear or watch something about bullying and it touches not only my heart but my soul. Recently Pastor Scott Weatherford said something that really hit me. He says alot that really hits me actually. Prayer without action doesn't mean much. That is not a direct quote but thats what I heard. I believe the context in which he said it was, if you feel strongly about something and you see someone in need and just say to them "go and be blessed" and do nothing to tangibly help that need... it doesn't really mean much does it? Sorry Pastor Scott if I got that all wrong but that's what I got out of that.
Bullying terrifies me, it was bad when I was young but with technology and the internet its a whole new ball game. Kids commiting suicide because they just can't take it anymore is unacceptable. I worry about my boys. How will they handle it? I pray daily for God to protect them always and forever hold them in His hand... just as my own parents did for my brother and I. I pray for loved ones going through bullying issues. I pray for those I don't know. I watched a post someone put on facebook of a young 17 year old boy on Britains got talent. His name is Jonathon Antoine. He's got a voice that touched my heart and soul but a story that touched me more. He's still seeing a psychologist but had a nervous breakdown last year due to the bullying he's had to live with his whole life. It broke my heart that such a talent could have been never discovered because the cruelty inflicted on this boy. I thank God for the voice coaches that put him together with a beautiful 16 year old girl who has a voice that compliments his and encouraged them to try out for the show. I wish there was some way I could support this young man and his friend and encourage them. I know God will show me a way.
The most important thing God has taught me is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are all so unique, we should celebrate each others differences. I love meeting and getting to know people because as you do you find deeper and deeper layers. We are all given different talents and passions. We are given these talents and passions to glorify His name with. God rejoices when he sees us enjoy and use the various talents and gifts He has given us and wants us to share them. You never know how you are going to touch someones heart and soul with the gift you've been given. You never know how you are going to be a blessing to others.You just need to have the courage to share it. Learn to love yourself as God does. You are a unique creation. One of a kind. Celbrate that!! No one does you like you! No one has your back like He does. If you choose to follow God's will for your life, you've got the best Encourager ever. You've got God on your side. If you are living and breathing on this planet you were meant to be here. God has a purpose for you life. Stop worrying about how others will think of your gifts and passions. Be yourself, be the person God intended you to be. Trust in Him, love others as the unique creation they are. Don't listen to the ones who choose the other path. Lift each other up.
As I wrap up I ask for one thing. Pray that I will be open to doing God's will in my life. I pray for anyone affected by bullying but I want to some how take action as well. Pray that God shows me how I am to do that, if that is in fact His will.
Sunday, 18 March 2012
I have a new blog! Why you may ask? Simply because I forgot my password to my old one and could not get any help whatsoever in retrieving any information because I switched e-mail providers. I can not explain in words how frustrating that pursuit was getting so I just made a new one! So here goes!
I've changed the name to "Just Pondering" from "MommyMusings" because everything I ponder is not Mommy related. ;-) I have a habit of "Just pondering" alot! Thankfully I have Google as a resource for everything I ponder! This can become quite an addiction as many of my friends can attest to!
I have had alot to ponder lately but writing down what has been on my mind has been difficult. I don't consider myself anything more than amateur at this but what I told my husband and sister in law recently was writing was simply "opening a vein and letting it spill onto the page". Atleast that's how it can feel for me anyway. I haven't been able to do that recently, instead have been in a mode of quiet contemplation. Listening for God's wisdom, peace and comfort in difficult times. It has been a time of spiritual growth and with growth comes a sense of being stretched and pushed beyond what you think you can handle. It is then that we finally submit. Submit to the fact that in God's strength we can do anything.
I'm not quite ready to "open a vein" just now, but it is coming soon... so stay tuned ... if you dare! ;-)
I've changed the name to "Just Pondering" from "MommyMusings" because everything I ponder is not Mommy related. ;-) I have a habit of "Just pondering" alot! Thankfully I have Google as a resource for everything I ponder! This can become quite an addiction as many of my friends can attest to!
I have had alot to ponder lately but writing down what has been on my mind has been difficult. I don't consider myself anything more than amateur at this but what I told my husband and sister in law recently was writing was simply "opening a vein and letting it spill onto the page". Atleast that's how it can feel for me anyway. I haven't been able to do that recently, instead have been in a mode of quiet contemplation. Listening for God's wisdom, peace and comfort in difficult times. It has been a time of spiritual growth and with growth comes a sense of being stretched and pushed beyond what you think you can handle. It is then that we finally submit. Submit to the fact that in God's strength we can do anything.
I'm not quite ready to "open a vein" just now, but it is coming soon... so stay tuned ... if you dare! ;-)
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