I was driving my young son to pre school this morning and as I sat at a red light I looked to the East as I love to see the beautiful colours of the sunrise. This morning was grey. Overcast. So if there were pinks and oranges to be seen , I missed them. As I scanned the horizon I did see a small section that had just the slightest whisper of colour. then as my eye moved across I could see just the slightest hue of orange highlighting the edge of the clouds as if they were waves on the ocean. The hue seemed to brighten ever so slightly as my eyes moved from left to right. I picture started to develop in my minds eye of Jesus walking through the sky... all I could see was the hem of His robe. As He walked across the grey clouds would change to beautifully corrugated hues of orange and pink as if being in the near vicinity of His glory could change all that is dull and lifeless into a celebration of colour and light.
Then it occurred to me... "As if Jackie?? really? are you really asking as if?? I smiled to myself... of course. Thank you God again for loving me enough to give me this moment. I thought .. sometimes I feel like that section of grey sky... then Jesus whispers by me.... I feel the breath of his robe pass by. My heart leaps my eyes close , I feel His presence and need to breathe in deeply as momentarily I have been unable to do so. I am on my knees, eyes closed as if basking in the warmth of the sun... but it's even better... I'm basking in the warmth of the love of the SON. I am no longer grey, dull and lifeless, my heart and soul have been stirred, held so gently that I explode with colour and energy and love like the most vibrant sunrise.
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Sunday, 1 September 2013
Jesus loves me this I know
Jesus loves me this I know
for the Bible tells me so
little ones to Him belong
they are weak but He is strong.
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so..
This is probably the first song I learnt in church as a child. In fact my Mom probably sang it to me as a child. It is the song she has sung to my sons and while I was pregnant and when they were babies, I sang it to them as well.
It is this child's song that enters my thoughts and gives me joy on a regular basis.
I've always thought of it as truth, but truth for a child. Plain and simple. Direct and to the point. Our first teachings... Jesus loves me this I know.
How do you know?
For the Bible tells me so.
Well... I guess you would have to believe that the Bible is truth. God's truth. The Holy Word of God. God's love letter to us... His children. We are ALL His children. No matter how old you are.
Then we learn our first memory verse.
For God SO LOVED the world, that He gave his only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Can you imagine???? Really??? As a mother...I couldn't imagine giving up my son/sons to save the rest of the world. Their my babies! To put my child through the most horrifying torture so that others would be saved... but then I'm not God. We are ALL his children. He gave this amazing, mind blowing, life altering sacrifice... so we , little old us.. can have a relationship with the Creator of all. It's hard to wrap your mind around isn't it?
Little ones to Him belong...
Like I said... we are all His children. We are His creations. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knit us together in our mother's womb... Lovingly, Carefully... at the perfect time. At the perfect moment. For such a time as this, for a very specific purpose.
I find it amusing at times, and then at others not at all amusing when someone has to go off and "find themselves". Searching high and low all over the world.... "to find themselves." They look in relationships with the opposite sex, or the same sex. Friendships, partying, sex, work, travel, books, gurus, psychologists etc.... everywhere but the One that created them. If you want to know yourself, get to know that One that created you. Seek and ye shall find. Ask for God to reveal Himself to you. Ask Him for wisdom and knowledge, forgiveness and peace that passes all understanding and I guarantee the love you will be filled with will blow your mind!
For they are weak but He is strong.
We can do nothing apart from God. I know I can hear people saying... I can do a lot all on my own thank you. I don't doubt that. You can do a lot but for what purpose? Self satisfaction? Self gratification? It is kind of a let down once you've achieved something. I mean there's an awesome feeling of accomplishment but then comes the let down... now what... on to the next challenge. We set goals for ourselves and we achieve them and move on to the next eventually wondering what's it all for? There must me more... a purpose. A purpose to life. That is where we seek Him. Seek Him with your whole heart, mind, body and strength. Seek and you will find. You don't even have to go that far. He stands at the door of your heart and knocks. Seek wisdom and knowledge and He will give it to you. Let Him fill you with His Holy Spirit and you will feel the awesome power of His peace and love and strength. God works when we get out of our comfort zone.
That used to scare me!
I have come to realise, He does that to show us that if we submit fully to Him, accept that fact that he wants to do something awesome and miraculous in, for and through us ,,, it's not scary,,,, it's INCREDIBLE. We can step out of our comfort zone knowing that the Creator of the Universe, the One and only Holy God is going to be with you and in you, using you to fulfil His plan.. to serve His very specific purpose in this very specific time. To shower His love and grace and peace on others.
We may be weak but HE IS STRONG.
Stepping out of the comfort zone becomes EXCITING!! Not Scary! Anticipation of what He's going to do... who He's going to bring. Who He's going to touch.. through you. WOW!!!
Now that's abundant living!
for the Bible tells me so
little ones to Him belong
they are weak but He is strong.
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so..
This is probably the first song I learnt in church as a child. In fact my Mom probably sang it to me as a child. It is the song she has sung to my sons and while I was pregnant and when they were babies, I sang it to them as well.
It is this child's song that enters my thoughts and gives me joy on a regular basis.
I've always thought of it as truth, but truth for a child. Plain and simple. Direct and to the point. Our first teachings... Jesus loves me this I know.
How do you know?
For the Bible tells me so.
Well... I guess you would have to believe that the Bible is truth. God's truth. The Holy Word of God. God's love letter to us... His children. We are ALL His children. No matter how old you are.
Then we learn our first memory verse.
For God SO LOVED the world, that He gave his only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Can you imagine???? Really??? As a mother...I couldn't imagine giving up my son/sons to save the rest of the world. Their my babies! To put my child through the most horrifying torture so that others would be saved... but then I'm not God. We are ALL his children. He gave this amazing, mind blowing, life altering sacrifice... so we , little old us.. can have a relationship with the Creator of all. It's hard to wrap your mind around isn't it?
Little ones to Him belong...
Like I said... we are all His children. We are His creations. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knit us together in our mother's womb... Lovingly, Carefully... at the perfect time. At the perfect moment. For such a time as this, for a very specific purpose.
I find it amusing at times, and then at others not at all amusing when someone has to go off and "find themselves". Searching high and low all over the world.... "to find themselves." They look in relationships with the opposite sex, or the same sex. Friendships, partying, sex, work, travel, books, gurus, psychologists etc.... everywhere but the One that created them. If you want to know yourself, get to know that One that created you. Seek and ye shall find. Ask for God to reveal Himself to you. Ask Him for wisdom and knowledge, forgiveness and peace that passes all understanding and I guarantee the love you will be filled with will blow your mind!
For they are weak but He is strong.
We can do nothing apart from God. I know I can hear people saying... I can do a lot all on my own thank you. I don't doubt that. You can do a lot but for what purpose? Self satisfaction? Self gratification? It is kind of a let down once you've achieved something. I mean there's an awesome feeling of accomplishment but then comes the let down... now what... on to the next challenge. We set goals for ourselves and we achieve them and move on to the next eventually wondering what's it all for? There must me more... a purpose. A purpose to life. That is where we seek Him. Seek Him with your whole heart, mind, body and strength. Seek and you will find. You don't even have to go that far. He stands at the door of your heart and knocks. Seek wisdom and knowledge and He will give it to you. Let Him fill you with His Holy Spirit and you will feel the awesome power of His peace and love and strength. God works when we get out of our comfort zone.
That used to scare me!
I have come to realise, He does that to show us that if we submit fully to Him, accept that fact that he wants to do something awesome and miraculous in, for and through us ,,, it's not scary,,,, it's INCREDIBLE. We can step out of our comfort zone knowing that the Creator of the Universe, the One and only Holy God is going to be with you and in you, using you to fulfil His plan.. to serve His very specific purpose in this very specific time. To shower His love and grace and peace on others.
We may be weak but HE IS STRONG.
Stepping out of the comfort zone becomes EXCITING!! Not Scary! Anticipation of what He's going to do... who He's going to bring. Who He's going to touch.. through you. WOW!!!
Now that's abundant living!
Saturday, 17 August 2013
You are that you are.
I watched a video recently explaining the sacred name of God, "I Am that I Am". It was very thought provoking and while I didn't agree with everything presented in the video, some thoughts did start coming to mind that deserved some extended thought.
That sacred name of God was told to Moses. He was to tell Pharaoh that is who sent him to save the Jews from slavery. This particular person who narrated this video offered an explanation that perhaps this meant God was saying I Am the One and Only God. I Am Love. I Am Peace. I Am Alpha, I Am Omega. I Am the Beginning and the End. I Am in everything I have created and everything He makes is good and made for a purpose, in such a time as that creation lives in. The list goes on...
What occurred to me is that as believers, we have the Holy Spirit living with in us. We can draw upon the Spirit for all that He is. Love, strength, wisdom etc. We are to honor God in all that we are. All that we do. All that we think. All that we say. To do as Jesus would do. After all isn't that why God sent His son to die on a cross over 2000 years ago. To be raised again. He showed us and taught us how we are to live this life. How to deal with trials and problems that arise. Whether that means emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, environmental... etc. We are to be anxious for nothing, but in prayer and petition come before Him presenting our praise, our requests and he promises that He will hear us. We have to do it in the right motivation as well. Is it for the glory of God?
This is all to say, it is really starting to bother me when I hear people say... I am disgusting, I am ugly, I am stupid, I am pathetic, I am fat, I am skinny, I am sick, I am tired. Not that I'm mad... Heaven knows I've said all of this about myself at any given time in my life. It hurts my soul. I dare to think... is that the Holy Spirit trying to say to me...stop it!! You are my creation. That is NOT what you are! That is how you are FEELING at this moment. The very words I and Am are very powerful words. I am _______ that, I am! If you say I am_____(anything negative) is what you are! If you are continually telling someone... I am ugly, I am whatever.... it's not just you that is going to start believing it. Another person isn't the All Knowing... they are going to take you for what you are saying is "true" about your self. No? Am I completely wrong on that? Let's be honest. Think about it.
Now I can hear it all now... Jackie you are totally taking that out of context! Nowhere does it say in the Bible that is what God meant. This is not what I'm saying... I'm just sharing a thought.. How are we honoring our Creator. You know, the One that "doesn't make junk" with self deprecation? Or ... focusing on the negative traits of others? God made them too right?
I was visiting a friend in the hospital yesterday and we took him outside to get some fresh air. As we all stood visiting and laughing and "random" woman that none of us knew just strolled up and started chatting with us. She had a kidney transplant a few years ago and was currently in the hospital because she was starting to reject it. She continued on telling us random facts about her family. Then suddenly said she was going for a walk and off she went. I hate to admit that a few years ago I would have looked at my friends and said "ok, that was odd.... I don't know you". Or something equally as uncaring and sarcastic. After she left we looked at each other and started talking about how lonely she must be to walk up to a group of people and just start talking. How she was just trying to connect with another soul. To be more aware of others and listen. She's going through a rough time and just needed to connect. Is that odd or weird? No! We all need to connect, we all need to know that someone cares. We are the conduit for God to show others His perfect love. We are to allow God to fill us. To be open to that filling, not to horde it for ourselves because if we are already filled how can He continue to fill us. Is that "filling" if not poured out to others going to become stagnant? And once it becomes stagnant does it just die off? Never the less.... the point is to have a constant and fresh flow to fill us up, give us peace and love and then to "pay it forward" so to speak.
How can we pay God's love forward if we don't believe it ourselves? By saying "I am ____ whatever horrible. Can we just try one thing? How about saying "I am a creation of God. I am a son or daughter of the Creator of the universe. I am beautiful. I am filled with His love. I am created for such a time as this for a specific purpose. Can we get over pointing out our own faults and those of others? Can we focus on what God meant us to be. That we have a purpose. That He has a purpose for all His creations. Really see the beauty in that. Remind ourselves of that and truly believe it. Then remind others it's the same for them. For a moment, can we stop thinking and camping out on the negative things we are FEELING. Realise we are NOT that. We may be FEELING that and if we are, which is natural , do something about it. Go do something for someone else. As big or little as it may be. Visit someone in the hospital, have coffee with a friend who is lonely. Drop flowers off to some random nursing home or business that you frequent. I guarantee you won't be feeling negative for long. For as you pour out love so will you be refilled. Most of all , remind your self THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE SPECIAL, YOU ARE UNIQUE. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. Deal with the tough times as they come and do everything you can to remind yourself that God is with you and in you even if you don't feel it. Know that YOU ARE LOVED.
Thursday, 8 August 2013
the dance
I sat outside and took a deep breath. The crispness of the evening air was soothing...cooling...calming. A car roars by and I hear the distant noise of traffic and pipes rolling in a not so distant factory. Man made noise and creations assault my senses but soon are drowned out by nature. This is a choice. This is my choice. Almost invisible drops of heavenly moisture dot my skin as I take in the beauty of a near by tree. I notice a gentle breeze russle the leaves and am mesmerised by asymmetric movement. The variety of shades of green and in the size of branches and shapes of the leaves. The wind subsides for a moment and the movement of the leaves slow to a stop. "Come back and dance" I can almost hear the leaves cry out to the wind. Again the wind blows and the dance begins again. Caressing the leaves and commanding them to move. Swirling and bending in a beautiful dance of nature. A peaceful calm comes again and again the wind begins to move the leaves.
And so it is with Your Spirit Lord... moving with in me...dancing with mine, allowing my soul to rejoice in your presence. Feeling your peace in the stillness. Rejoicing in the movement of Your Spirit.
How great Thou Art.
And so it is with Your Spirit Lord... moving with in me...dancing with mine, allowing my soul to rejoice in your presence. Feeling your peace in the stillness. Rejoicing in the movement of Your Spirit.
How great Thou Art.
staying positive
1. Therefore my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, so stand firm in the Lord, my beloved.
4. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
5. Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
6. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise let your mind dwell on these things.
9. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.
Philippians 4:1,4-9.
These are the staple verses in my life right now.
I am not always the most positive person. That is hard for me to admit. In the past I've tended to dwell on the negative things that happen in the world around me. To my family, to my friends, to complete strangers. To myself. Funny enough, there seems to be two very different sides to me ... very outgoing, happy, crazy, overly talkative and on the other extreme.... shy, quiet, pensive, moody, impatient and short tempered. I don't like being out of control and can be extremely critical of myself and those I love the most. Why is that?? I may never be able to articulate the answer to that. Human nature? Maybe. Most likely. I've looked for answers to that all over. Through books, sermons, wise people who are friends, family and mentors. I have come to one conclusion...
I don't have a lot of the answers.
I'm o.k. with that.
Why?
I've come to the conclusion that God does. He has every day of our lives written. He knows my end from my beginning. He is in control. Even when I don't understand why things happen, its ok. He gave me and all of us free will. My mistakes are my responsibility but I've learned that my God is bigger than my mistakes. I have visions of Him shaking His head at something I've said or done and after I've confessed it and given it to Him he says "ok...Jackie, I can work with that, lets turn this around and make something great with this." Not sure if that is biblically accurate but I have faith He is extremely patient with me and has a fabulous sense of humour!
I've struggled with my purpose in life is right at this moment. Thoughts of " I should be doing more". (for the "Kingdom") so to speak. That being a stay at home Mom, cooking, cleaning, playing and taking care of my kids isn't enough. Feeling the anxiety of that looming like a black cloud. Finally realizing....I'm doing it again... I'm freaking out that I'm not fulfilling my purpose. I've taken some time to just be quiet. That was hard. If anyone truly knows me can attest. My internal dialog doesn't stop! Realizing I spending an awful lot of time praying but not meditating. Reading somewhere that meditation was equally important as this is when you stop talking and start listening.
What kept creeping into mind was the above verses. I started listening.
Just in the last few days I've really focused on simply being grateful. Grateful for all I have. This moment in my life. Really meditating on these verses and yes, praying for wisdom and strength, peace and love. To be filled with God's wisdom, His strength, His peace, His love. So I may pour it out on others. In the recent past this has been something I've done and focused on pouring it out on those around me that I come into contact with but seem to have saved the scraps for my loved ones. In the last few days I've seen my family for what amazing treasures they are and how I miss so much of the simple joys of just being present.... really present with them. Enjoying this moment. Their joy gives me joy. They want so little but for me to be present. I've focused on that just in the past days and weeks and wow.... the joy in their faces. The fun we have had!
It's amazing how when we go to the One that has created us and truly seek Him, He will show us the way. He truly is The Light. The Light that illuminates the darkness of our uncertainty. His message to me? Meditate on these verses Jackie, Love and be loved, be still and know that I am God, and above all be present... and in that I have found the gift. Pure love, pure joy, pure peace.
4. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
5. Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
6. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise let your mind dwell on these things.
9. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.
Philippians 4:1,4-9.
These are the staple verses in my life right now.
I am not always the most positive person. That is hard for me to admit. In the past I've tended to dwell on the negative things that happen in the world around me. To my family, to my friends, to complete strangers. To myself. Funny enough, there seems to be two very different sides to me ... very outgoing, happy, crazy, overly talkative and on the other extreme.... shy, quiet, pensive, moody, impatient and short tempered. I don't like being out of control and can be extremely critical of myself and those I love the most. Why is that?? I may never be able to articulate the answer to that. Human nature? Maybe. Most likely. I've looked for answers to that all over. Through books, sermons, wise people who are friends, family and mentors. I have come to one conclusion...
I don't have a lot of the answers.
I'm o.k. with that.
Why?
I've come to the conclusion that God does. He has every day of our lives written. He knows my end from my beginning. He is in control. Even when I don't understand why things happen, its ok. He gave me and all of us free will. My mistakes are my responsibility but I've learned that my God is bigger than my mistakes. I have visions of Him shaking His head at something I've said or done and after I've confessed it and given it to Him he says "ok...Jackie, I can work with that, lets turn this around and make something great with this." Not sure if that is biblically accurate but I have faith He is extremely patient with me and has a fabulous sense of humour!
I've struggled with my purpose in life is right at this moment. Thoughts of " I should be doing more". (for the "Kingdom") so to speak. That being a stay at home Mom, cooking, cleaning, playing and taking care of my kids isn't enough. Feeling the anxiety of that looming like a black cloud. Finally realizing....I'm doing it again... I'm freaking out that I'm not fulfilling my purpose. I've taken some time to just be quiet. That was hard. If anyone truly knows me can attest. My internal dialog doesn't stop! Realizing I spending an awful lot of time praying but not meditating. Reading somewhere that meditation was equally important as this is when you stop talking and start listening.
What kept creeping into mind was the above verses. I started listening.
Just in the last few days I've really focused on simply being grateful. Grateful for all I have. This moment in my life. Really meditating on these verses and yes, praying for wisdom and strength, peace and love. To be filled with God's wisdom, His strength, His peace, His love. So I may pour it out on others. In the recent past this has been something I've done and focused on pouring it out on those around me that I come into contact with but seem to have saved the scraps for my loved ones. In the last few days I've seen my family for what amazing treasures they are and how I miss so much of the simple joys of just being present.... really present with them. Enjoying this moment. Their joy gives me joy. They want so little but for me to be present. I've focused on that just in the past days and weeks and wow.... the joy in their faces. The fun we have had!
It's amazing how when we go to the One that has created us and truly seek Him, He will show us the way. He truly is The Light. The Light that illuminates the darkness of our uncertainty. His message to me? Meditate on these verses Jackie, Love and be loved, be still and know that I am God, and above all be present... and in that I have found the gift. Pure love, pure joy, pure peace.
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Patience...
Many times my Christian friends have warned me "never pray for patience"!!
Why? It's believed that God will give you all sorts of circumstances in which your patience will be tested!
So I've prayed many times for God to fill me with more of His love, so I may pour it out on my family and friends. I am not always known for my ability to be patient. Some former students would disagree as many have kindly told me how patient they think I was. Well it's easy to be patient with adult students who pay a lot of money to be taught a skill, to have their art honed. That share a passion to learn and develop.
It took me a long time to get my brain wrapped around being a stay at home Mom. I love my boys so much and enjoy being home with them. I feel I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Patience has not been my finest virtue to say the least.
I have come to realize my loss of patience and how I choose to deal with it stems from how I feel my children's behaviour reflects my parenting skills. I sometimes feel that if my children misbehave in public, everyone is looking at me like I'm the worst parent in the world. Of course when I see others in the same position, I just tend to feel bad for the parent and relate to their pain...lol
Children, babies, toddlers, do not act with perfect manners and grace in public at some magical age. They need to be taught. That requires taking said little ones out in public. Possibly for a short trip to pick up milk from the grocery store, or a family restaurant where they actually have to sit. I chose the golden arches myself for that lesson. Of course they don't have to sit when they have an indoor play place so my first challenge a couple of years ago was to have them sit in a booth, eat their lunch and help clean up the table, then and only then could they play in the play area. This worked quite well. At the ages of 4 and 6 they are pretty good in restaurants. They don't need to run around but we are still working on sitting still but it is certainly progress. I've taken them with me to the grocery store and when my 4 year old decides to blow a fit, I stop, drop everything get eye level with him and inform him we don't act like that in public. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I try to stay calm. Not worry about what every one else is thinking about my parenting skills but give the attention that's needed to my children at the time and calmly redirect them.
This is not always the case at home. I at times raise my voice out of sheer frustration because I've had to repeat myself for the 5th time. This is the case this morning. I hate being late! I hate the threat of being late! Nothing will put me into panic mode faster than that. My voice gets louder, I get frantic and tempers start to flare. Rush out of the house, get the boys strapped into their seats and pull out of the garage. This morning that's what happened. What happened after was different. I pulled to one side of the alley and parked. I apologized to my kids and tried to explain why "mommy gets so frustrated" That there were times that anger is justified. Frustration is understandable. It's how we choose to deal with these times that is important. I explained that when I start "freaking out" and start panicking and raising my voice it's just wrong. That Jesus is still trying to work with me on that but I'm not exactly helping Him out on that very well. We had a good little discussion.
I got home after dropping them off and looked at the stack of books on parenting that I have, heaved a heavy sigh and walked out of the room. Prayed. God fill me with your love. Fill me with your grace. I know you are in control of all things, so there is no reason to be anxious for anything. Thank you for the precious gifts you have given to me in the forms of my sons. Help me to show them how much I love them. Help me to be a better mom. He led me to pick up my bible. Right to a very familiar passage.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails;
I needed that. In my pursuit to draw closer to God I am reminded that God IS love. It may seem like a basic concept but it is one I need to remind myself of daily. To be able to show HIS love to my family, to my friends I can't forget to spend time with HIM. He wants to teach me. To teach us of His love for us but it requires a commitement of time. I want to hear his voice. It takes getting into His word. It's funny how calm and at peace I feel right at this moment. Funny how that happens when you just sit quietly and spend time with Him.
Thanks for the date God. I'm better prepared to pick up my boys now...oops... like right now!!
Why? It's believed that God will give you all sorts of circumstances in which your patience will be tested!
So I've prayed many times for God to fill me with more of His love, so I may pour it out on my family and friends. I am not always known for my ability to be patient. Some former students would disagree as many have kindly told me how patient they think I was. Well it's easy to be patient with adult students who pay a lot of money to be taught a skill, to have their art honed. That share a passion to learn and develop.
It took me a long time to get my brain wrapped around being a stay at home Mom. I love my boys so much and enjoy being home with them. I feel I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Patience has not been my finest virtue to say the least.
I have come to realize my loss of patience and how I choose to deal with it stems from how I feel my children's behaviour reflects my parenting skills. I sometimes feel that if my children misbehave in public, everyone is looking at me like I'm the worst parent in the world. Of course when I see others in the same position, I just tend to feel bad for the parent and relate to their pain...lol
Children, babies, toddlers, do not act with perfect manners and grace in public at some magical age. They need to be taught. That requires taking said little ones out in public. Possibly for a short trip to pick up milk from the grocery store, or a family restaurant where they actually have to sit. I chose the golden arches myself for that lesson. Of course they don't have to sit when they have an indoor play place so my first challenge a couple of years ago was to have them sit in a booth, eat their lunch and help clean up the table, then and only then could they play in the play area. This worked quite well. At the ages of 4 and 6 they are pretty good in restaurants. They don't need to run around but we are still working on sitting still but it is certainly progress. I've taken them with me to the grocery store and when my 4 year old decides to blow a fit, I stop, drop everything get eye level with him and inform him we don't act like that in public. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I try to stay calm. Not worry about what every one else is thinking about my parenting skills but give the attention that's needed to my children at the time and calmly redirect them.
This is not always the case at home. I at times raise my voice out of sheer frustration because I've had to repeat myself for the 5th time. This is the case this morning. I hate being late! I hate the threat of being late! Nothing will put me into panic mode faster than that. My voice gets louder, I get frantic and tempers start to flare. Rush out of the house, get the boys strapped into their seats and pull out of the garage. This morning that's what happened. What happened after was different. I pulled to one side of the alley and parked. I apologized to my kids and tried to explain why "mommy gets so frustrated" That there were times that anger is justified. Frustration is understandable. It's how we choose to deal with these times that is important. I explained that when I start "freaking out" and start panicking and raising my voice it's just wrong. That Jesus is still trying to work with me on that but I'm not exactly helping Him out on that very well. We had a good little discussion.
I got home after dropping them off and looked at the stack of books on parenting that I have, heaved a heavy sigh and walked out of the room. Prayed. God fill me with your love. Fill me with your grace. I know you are in control of all things, so there is no reason to be anxious for anything. Thank you for the precious gifts you have given to me in the forms of my sons. Help me to show them how much I love them. Help me to be a better mom. He led me to pick up my bible. Right to a very familiar passage.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails;
I needed that. In my pursuit to draw closer to God I am reminded that God IS love. It may seem like a basic concept but it is one I need to remind myself of daily. To be able to show HIS love to my family, to my friends I can't forget to spend time with HIM. He wants to teach me. To teach us of His love for us but it requires a commitement of time. I want to hear his voice. It takes getting into His word. It's funny how calm and at peace I feel right at this moment. Funny how that happens when you just sit quietly and spend time with Him.
Thanks for the date God. I'm better prepared to pick up my boys now...oops... like right now!!
Friday, 24 May 2013
In my career as a hairstylist I've had the opportunity to meet, to touch, to get to know so many people. I love my job as a stylist. I love hair, it's my job, my hobby, my art, my passion.
What I love even more and what completely captivates and fascinates me though, are people.
I love the variety of God's art work in the creation of His children! Tall, short, big, little, large, thin, hair colour, freckles, moles, whatever! That's just the exterior!! Seeing and meeting people society would say are stunningly beautiful, getting to know them as I listen to them share their inner most thoughts on love, life, fears, careers, religion, politics, insecurities they have and special moments in their lives, they either become more beautiful or their beauty begins to fade. Depending on their attitude or view of their situations. Their physical beauty can begin to diminish. The same can be said for those society deems plain, ordinary or not so attractive physically. I was a pretty ordinary girl, tom boyish really. I didn't like people looking at me so I would hide behind over alls, baggy jeans or heavy sweatshirts as a pre teen. I was never overly popular but had a lot of friends over the years. I was shy and quiet but that quickly changed around puberty. Not completely, I still had a lot of insecurities and had gathered some bitter baggage that made me resentful of the "beautiful, rich or snobby exclusive" types. There were times I coveted what they had but during those times it would just make me feel miserable. I'm generally a happy, outgoing person so I just would focus on the people that would be the same. I would keep an eye out for the shy ones in the corners and do my best to reach out because I would always pray someone would do that for me when I was shy and lonely.
Over the past few years as I have mentioned before I'm sure, I've let go of a lot of anger, bitterness and resentment. Through God's grace He has helped me do that. He has also taught me to stop judging, pray for those I used to feel resentful towards and love them.
I thank God now that I wasn't part of the "popular" crowd. I thank Him for the trials, because it taught me to look deeper. Into the soul of someone. To have compassion. We are all on our own journeys and shouldn't judge others for their choices. In making the friends I did and choosing the career I did, I have learned so much. Being in an industry that focuses so much on external beauty was in interesting choice for me, but it's so much more than that. I've learned when you take the time to talk to someone, to listen to them, no matter how they look externally. You may be surprised at the gems you will find. The strength of a persons soul. Their will. Their faith as they share their lives. Their physical beauty falls away as you see their soul emerge. THIS is where you find the beauty or the denial of their own beauty. The authentic person. Or you find a beautiful shell who denies the uniqueness of their true selves. It's so unfortunate to witness a soul bound for greater things being denied because they have bought into what society tells them they should be. The tragedy in that is they are robbing themselves and the world of a unique purpose, a unique talent, created only for them that would give them an abundant meaningful life!!! It is truly tragic and I PRAY that they would realise God's purpose for their lives!
On the other hand, when you meet someone who knows they are a unique creation and embrace their individuality, they express their love and appreciation to God by using their talents, they have love and compassion and joy through the Spirit, they have confidence in knowing they are a unique and incredible, miraculous creation, it's STUNNING, MIND BLOWING how the beauty of their souls emerges and their entire appearance changes. I have been blessed by God allowing me to see people as He sees them. The pain I feel, how my heart breaks when I meet someone who has been beat down by tragedy in whatever form. They need compassion and prayer and encouragement. Not judgement and condemnation!
The joy and energy I feel when I meet someone who realises who they were meant to be and is fulfilling their purpose is truly a gift!!
This physical body is just a package we, our authentic being comes in. Sure, it's fun to change our physical appearance whether it be colouring or cutting our hair, keeping current with fashion or setting our own trends. It's just an expression of our tastes but not who we really are. That's where I get it when the Bible says not to get our beauty from outward adornment. I certainly don't think God meant , don't take care of yourselves, but to not get sucked into the trap that so many beautiful souls do, that all their is to beauty is outward adornment! After all, it's these exterior packages that get buried when we leave this world. It's our true selves, our souls, that move on to eternity.
I remember when we used to teach our cosmetology students to look into nature. To see the beauty, the uniqueness, the combination of colour and design that nature had created. That God had created! Then to try and recreate it in some unique form of colour application or design. God LOVES VARIETY PEOPLE!! Look at all the different variety of plants, animals, flowers etc! Why would we think we should all be the same as human beings??? Why do we not celebrate the differences in each other?? Skin colour, hair, body shape, personality, talents and gifts??? Why would we think God didn't create us all to be unique, extraordinary??
So don't rob yourself of your joy or purpose by getting too hung up on the physical! Get to know your own soul and let the world meet you!! You may be surprised at what you learn. Get to know others. I GUARANTEE you will be shocked (hopefully in a good way) at the incredible people that you never saw, that have been in front of you all this time.
Most importantly get to know your Creator! After all, if you are on a quest to "find yourself", wouldn't it be wise to go to the One who "knit you together in your mother's womb"?
He is the lover of your soul! Realise His purpose for you... start living life more abundantly ... and then get out there... and DO IT!!
What I love even more and what completely captivates and fascinates me though, are people.
I love the variety of God's art work in the creation of His children! Tall, short, big, little, large, thin, hair colour, freckles, moles, whatever! That's just the exterior!! Seeing and meeting people society would say are stunningly beautiful, getting to know them as I listen to them share their inner most thoughts on love, life, fears, careers, religion, politics, insecurities they have and special moments in their lives, they either become more beautiful or their beauty begins to fade. Depending on their attitude or view of their situations. Their physical beauty can begin to diminish. The same can be said for those society deems plain, ordinary or not so attractive physically. I was a pretty ordinary girl, tom boyish really. I didn't like people looking at me so I would hide behind over alls, baggy jeans or heavy sweatshirts as a pre teen. I was never overly popular but had a lot of friends over the years. I was shy and quiet but that quickly changed around puberty. Not completely, I still had a lot of insecurities and had gathered some bitter baggage that made me resentful of the "beautiful, rich or snobby exclusive" types. There were times I coveted what they had but during those times it would just make me feel miserable. I'm generally a happy, outgoing person so I just would focus on the people that would be the same. I would keep an eye out for the shy ones in the corners and do my best to reach out because I would always pray someone would do that for me when I was shy and lonely.
Over the past few years as I have mentioned before I'm sure, I've let go of a lot of anger, bitterness and resentment. Through God's grace He has helped me do that. He has also taught me to stop judging, pray for those I used to feel resentful towards and love them.
I thank God now that I wasn't part of the "popular" crowd. I thank Him for the trials, because it taught me to look deeper. Into the soul of someone. To have compassion. We are all on our own journeys and shouldn't judge others for their choices. In making the friends I did and choosing the career I did, I have learned so much. Being in an industry that focuses so much on external beauty was in interesting choice for me, but it's so much more than that. I've learned when you take the time to talk to someone, to listen to them, no matter how they look externally. You may be surprised at the gems you will find. The strength of a persons soul. Their will. Their faith as they share their lives. Their physical beauty falls away as you see their soul emerge. THIS is where you find the beauty or the denial of their own beauty. The authentic person. Or you find a beautiful shell who denies the uniqueness of their true selves. It's so unfortunate to witness a soul bound for greater things being denied because they have bought into what society tells them they should be. The tragedy in that is they are robbing themselves and the world of a unique purpose, a unique talent, created only for them that would give them an abundant meaningful life!!! It is truly tragic and I PRAY that they would realise God's purpose for their lives!
On the other hand, when you meet someone who knows they are a unique creation and embrace their individuality, they express their love and appreciation to God by using their talents, they have love and compassion and joy through the Spirit, they have confidence in knowing they are a unique and incredible, miraculous creation, it's STUNNING, MIND BLOWING how the beauty of their souls emerges and their entire appearance changes. I have been blessed by God allowing me to see people as He sees them. The pain I feel, how my heart breaks when I meet someone who has been beat down by tragedy in whatever form. They need compassion and prayer and encouragement. Not judgement and condemnation!
The joy and energy I feel when I meet someone who realises who they were meant to be and is fulfilling their purpose is truly a gift!!
This physical body is just a package we, our authentic being comes in. Sure, it's fun to change our physical appearance whether it be colouring or cutting our hair, keeping current with fashion or setting our own trends. It's just an expression of our tastes but not who we really are. That's where I get it when the Bible says not to get our beauty from outward adornment. I certainly don't think God meant , don't take care of yourselves, but to not get sucked into the trap that so many beautiful souls do, that all their is to beauty is outward adornment! After all, it's these exterior packages that get buried when we leave this world. It's our true selves, our souls, that move on to eternity.
I remember when we used to teach our cosmetology students to look into nature. To see the beauty, the uniqueness, the combination of colour and design that nature had created. That God had created! Then to try and recreate it in some unique form of colour application or design. God LOVES VARIETY PEOPLE!! Look at all the different variety of plants, animals, flowers etc! Why would we think we should all be the same as human beings??? Why do we not celebrate the differences in each other?? Skin colour, hair, body shape, personality, talents and gifts??? Why would we think God didn't create us all to be unique, extraordinary??
So don't rob yourself of your joy or purpose by getting too hung up on the physical! Get to know your own soul and let the world meet you!! You may be surprised at what you learn. Get to know others. I GUARANTEE you will be shocked (hopefully in a good way) at the incredible people that you never saw, that have been in front of you all this time.
Most importantly get to know your Creator! After all, if you are on a quest to "find yourself", wouldn't it be wise to go to the One who "knit you together in your mother's womb"?
He is the lover of your soul! Realise His purpose for you... start living life more abundantly ... and then get out there... and DO IT!!
Wednesday, 22 May 2013
I have a quick question. As a christian, I get this question a lot. If God is in control of all things, if He truly exists, why do unspeakable atrocities happen to children? Why do parents lose their children? One of my own questions at one time was "Why can't children be off limits to evil?" why do horrible things happen to good people? Why doesn't God do something about it? Why doesn't God stop it? Why does God allow it?
God gave all people free will. To make a choice. Good or evil? Follow the ways of this evil world or stand out in the crowd? To stand out for what is good. Why is it that Christians keep quiet? While society is so vocal about what they want? Why do bad things happen to good people? Because someone somewhere made the choice to follow what ever evil desire they had within themselves and act on it. Where was God? He was there. With you during the worst. Standing between you and evil. Weeping because you wept. Weeping because a creation of His chose to follow a different path than what was meant for them. No worries about that though.... they WILL answer for it before the Judge of all judges.... the only one qualified to judge.
Here's the thing. God can use ALL things for good for those who LOVE Him. No matter how much the enemy tries to break our spirit.... no matter how much we hurt, God has victory. God WILL use it for good. This is where faith and trust comes in. When bad things happen, that's where we find out what our faith is truly made of. Or maybe I should say how much faith we truly have! God IS in control of all things. God does not allow anything to happen that he can't use. When we are in the midst of tragedy we can't see it... but we can make a choice. To believe, to trust, to have faith in something, some ONE bigger than our selves.
So the question remains... why? Why does God allow such things to happen? My question is this...
Why do we??
Has something touched your heart? Homelessness? Drugs? Alcohol? Rape? The problem in this city, this country, this world with human trafficking??? Are you an outspoken individual???
Well then open your mouth and speak for something worth while! Don't just sit there asking questions... get off your butt, open your mouth and stand up for what is right!
' nuff said.... for now!
God gave all people free will. To make a choice. Good or evil? Follow the ways of this evil world or stand out in the crowd? To stand out for what is good. Why is it that Christians keep quiet? While society is so vocal about what they want? Why do bad things happen to good people? Because someone somewhere made the choice to follow what ever evil desire they had within themselves and act on it. Where was God? He was there. With you during the worst. Standing between you and evil. Weeping because you wept. Weeping because a creation of His chose to follow a different path than what was meant for them. No worries about that though.... they WILL answer for it before the Judge of all judges.... the only one qualified to judge.
Here's the thing. God can use ALL things for good for those who LOVE Him. No matter how much the enemy tries to break our spirit.... no matter how much we hurt, God has victory. God WILL use it for good. This is where faith and trust comes in. When bad things happen, that's where we find out what our faith is truly made of. Or maybe I should say how much faith we truly have! God IS in control of all things. God does not allow anything to happen that he can't use. When we are in the midst of tragedy we can't see it... but we can make a choice. To believe, to trust, to have faith in something, some ONE bigger than our selves.
So the question remains... why? Why does God allow such things to happen? My question is this...
Why do we??
Has something touched your heart? Homelessness? Drugs? Alcohol? Rape? The problem in this city, this country, this world with human trafficking??? Are you an outspoken individual???
Well then open your mouth and speak for something worth while! Don't just sit there asking questions... get off your butt, open your mouth and stand up for what is right!
' nuff said.... for now!
Tuesday, 2 April 2013
These last couple of years have been incredible. Some incredible tough times and some incredibly fantastic times. My faith and relationship with Jesus Christ has grown very personal and intimate and continues to leave me in a state of awe as I seek to get to know my Saviour as the days go by. I have let go of a lot of bitterness, grudges and anger. I've forgiven and sought forgiveness and the sense of peace and relief God has granted me is nothing short of miraculous.
I've gone from feeling horribly inadequate and insecure every time I walk into my church to feeling like I am a part of God's family. A daughter of God. A princess of the King of Kings. My passion to share my love and admiration for the "Lover of my soul" grew fast and furious. I offended some, apparently may have inspired others. I just wanted to share this incredible unconditional love and peace and forgiveness that I found in having an intensely personal relationship with the One and Holy God. Creator of the universe, creator of heaven and earth. Creator of little old me.
I jumped right in after being inspired by our new Pastors and their wives. Finally after too many years to count I was encouraged to get involved after expressing a desire to do so. To my surprise there wasn't a response like "Oh now is not a good time to bring in someone new." The response was... "Alright lets get you plugged in". To be honest I was used to the previous response. Anything I was asked to get involved in I did. I was loving it.
Then something started to speak to me deep inside. Are you doing all this for the glory of God? Are you serving with a true servants heart? Stop running away. I thought... What??? I thought this is what I was supposed to do... I thought this is what God was calling me to do. Then tragedy struck our family in the form of a sudden and tragic loss of our sister Joanne. Forcing me to step back and take care of my family, immediate and extended. This went on for the entire last year and then some. I entered a very meditative period. Quiet. Listening for God's word, wisdom, direction. This is what I believe I have learned.
Showing God you love Him and want to do His will for life isn't just in the groups, ministries and "widowed and orphaned"that we are called to help and be a part of. It's in our every day thoughts, actions and movements. It's taking care of our families. Spending alone , quality time talking to our spouse about concerns and joys. Spending quality time with our children. Taking care, with love and respect of the gifts God has given us. Our parents, our spouses , our children, our friends. Our houses, possessions etc. Not being in pursuit of more than we need but sharing what we have in abundance. Sharing our talents and gifts with others because God gave you that gift for a purpose. To carve out time to spend in ministry to others. To do what God has called you to do but for and with the right motive. Not to show the world what a great "Christian" you are because you do that this and the other thing for the church. I'm not trying to offend anyone who is very involved in the church in many different aspects. I think it's fantastic. I also think if people have small children and feel the need to spend more time with them for the very short season that they are small and step back from being involved with so many activities, it's ok. That we should not judge but understand. Keep us in the loop and continue to pray.
I love the church I attend and have been blessed to have understanding women both friends and mentors surround me. I believe I have heard God's voice and doing what I believe he has called me to do for this season of my life. What upsets me is when others in the similar situation to mine are being judged because they have stepped back for the same reasons and being "dropped like hot potatoes" by the groups they are involved in. It's hurtful and frustrating to see. Lets be more aware of those in our midst. Just because they are out of sight for a season doesn't necessarily mean they have slipped back into old habits. Maybe it means they are just taking care of personal family business. When people trust us with very personal events that have happened to them , lets not share it with everyone we know. Keep them in your prayers and give them a call every once in a while.
May you be richly blessed and bless others.
I've gone from feeling horribly inadequate and insecure every time I walk into my church to feeling like I am a part of God's family. A daughter of God. A princess of the King of Kings. My passion to share my love and admiration for the "Lover of my soul" grew fast and furious. I offended some, apparently may have inspired others. I just wanted to share this incredible unconditional love and peace and forgiveness that I found in having an intensely personal relationship with the One and Holy God. Creator of the universe, creator of heaven and earth. Creator of little old me.
I jumped right in after being inspired by our new Pastors and their wives. Finally after too many years to count I was encouraged to get involved after expressing a desire to do so. To my surprise there wasn't a response like "Oh now is not a good time to bring in someone new." The response was... "Alright lets get you plugged in". To be honest I was used to the previous response. Anything I was asked to get involved in I did. I was loving it.
Then something started to speak to me deep inside. Are you doing all this for the glory of God? Are you serving with a true servants heart? Stop running away. I thought... What??? I thought this is what I was supposed to do... I thought this is what God was calling me to do. Then tragedy struck our family in the form of a sudden and tragic loss of our sister Joanne. Forcing me to step back and take care of my family, immediate and extended. This went on for the entire last year and then some. I entered a very meditative period. Quiet. Listening for God's word, wisdom, direction. This is what I believe I have learned.
Showing God you love Him and want to do His will for life isn't just in the groups, ministries and "widowed and orphaned"that we are called to help and be a part of. It's in our every day thoughts, actions and movements. It's taking care of our families. Spending alone , quality time talking to our spouse about concerns and joys. Spending quality time with our children. Taking care, with love and respect of the gifts God has given us. Our parents, our spouses , our children, our friends. Our houses, possessions etc. Not being in pursuit of more than we need but sharing what we have in abundance. Sharing our talents and gifts with others because God gave you that gift for a purpose. To carve out time to spend in ministry to others. To do what God has called you to do but for and with the right motive. Not to show the world what a great "Christian" you are because you do that this and the other thing for the church. I'm not trying to offend anyone who is very involved in the church in many different aspects. I think it's fantastic. I also think if people have small children and feel the need to spend more time with them for the very short season that they are small and step back from being involved with so many activities, it's ok. That we should not judge but understand. Keep us in the loop and continue to pray.
I love the church I attend and have been blessed to have understanding women both friends and mentors surround me. I believe I have heard God's voice and doing what I believe he has called me to do for this season of my life. What upsets me is when others in the similar situation to mine are being judged because they have stepped back for the same reasons and being "dropped like hot potatoes" by the groups they are involved in. It's hurtful and frustrating to see. Lets be more aware of those in our midst. Just because they are out of sight for a season doesn't necessarily mean they have slipped back into old habits. Maybe it means they are just taking care of personal family business. When people trust us with very personal events that have happened to them , lets not share it with everyone we know. Keep them in your prayers and give them a call every once in a while.
May you be richly blessed and bless others.
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