staying positive

1. Therefore my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, so stand firm in the Lord, my beloved.
4. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
5. Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men.  The Lord is near.
6. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8.  Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise let your mind dwell on these things.
9. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.

Philippians 4:1,4-9.

These are the staple verses in my life right now.

I am not always the most positive person.  That is hard for me to admit.  In the past I've tended to dwell on the negative things that happen in the world around me.  To my family, to my friends, to complete strangers.  To myself.  Funny enough, there seems to be two very different sides to me ... very outgoing, happy, crazy, overly talkative and on the other extreme.... shy, quiet, pensive, moody, impatient and short tempered.  I don't like being out of control and can be extremely critical of myself and those I love the most.  Why is that?? I may never be able to articulate the answer to that.  Human nature? Maybe.  Most likely.  I've looked for answers to that all over.  Through books, sermons, wise people who are friends, family and mentors.  I have come to one conclusion...

I don't have a lot of the answers.

I'm o.k. with that.

Why?

I've come to the conclusion that God does.  He has every day of our lives written. He knows my end from my beginning.  He is in control. Even when I don't understand why things happen, its ok.  He gave me and all of us free will.  My mistakes are my responsibility but I've learned that my God is bigger than my mistakes.  I have visions of Him shaking His head at something I've said or done and after I've confessed it and given it to Him he says "ok...Jackie, I can work with that, lets turn this around and make  something great with this."    Not sure if that is biblically accurate but I have faith He is extremely patient with me and has a fabulous sense of humour!

I've struggled with my purpose in life is right at this moment. Thoughts of " I should be doing more". (for the "Kingdom") so to speak.  That being a stay at home Mom, cooking, cleaning, playing and taking care of my kids isn't enough.  Feeling the anxiety of that looming like a black cloud.  Finally realizing....I'm doing it again... I'm freaking out that I'm not fulfilling my purpose.  I've taken some time to just be quiet. That was hard.  If anyone truly knows me can attest.  My internal dialog doesn't stop! Realizing I spending an awful lot of time praying but not meditating.  Reading somewhere that meditation was equally important as this is when you stop talking and start listening.

What kept creeping into mind was the above verses.  I started listening.

Just in the last few days I've really focused on simply being grateful.  Grateful for all I have.  This moment in my life.  Really meditating on these verses and yes, praying for wisdom and strength, peace and love.  To be filled with God's wisdom, His strength, His peace, His love.  So I may pour it out on others.  In the recent past this has been something I've done and focused on pouring it out on those around me that I come into contact with but seem to have saved the scraps for my loved ones.  In the last few days I've seen my family for what amazing treasures they are and how I miss so much of the simple joys of just being present.... really present with them. Enjoying this moment.  Their joy gives me joy.  They want so little but for me to be present.  I've focused on that just in the past days and weeks and wow.... the joy in their faces.  The fun we have had!

It's amazing how when we go to the One that has created us and truly seek Him, He will show us the way.  He truly is The Light.  The Light that illuminates the darkness of our uncertainty.  His message to me? Meditate on these verses Jackie,  Love and be loved, be still and know that I am God,  and above all be present... and in that I have found the gift.  Pure love, pure joy, pure peace.