It has to be ok...

It has to be ok...

It has to be ok that my house is a disaster right now.

It has to be ok because one kid is at home because of an ear infection but that doesn't  slow him down at all.

It has to be ok because my kids are happy and playing and are still learning to pick up after themselves when they are done with their toys.

It  has to be ok when someone stops by and their toys are everywhere. It has to be ok to be tired of apologizing for the mess.

It has to be ok that I don't want to run my business out of my house anymore because my back is so very sore after.  It has to be ok because it's gotten to a point where it's either clean up for my clients and not be able to do their hair because my back hurts or hope they don't judge me for the cluttered mess.

Though it's not ok in my mind.  I judge myself.  I feel like the big joke.  Jackie's house is always a mess... she's got kids... she's not good at house keeping.  Before you say "just hire someone"... with what? I would need to work to be able to hire someone.

It has to be ok that I am doing the best I can even though the best I can isn't the same as the best I could before.

It has to be ok to put the needs of my family first before the needs of others. Though I want to help anyone and everyone I can.

It has to be ok for me to take a moment for myself to gather my sanity before it completely leaves the building.

It is more than ok that I have a family that loves me and I love them.

It is more than ok that I have a few dear friends that I can count on one hand that I am truly grateful for.

It is more than ok to get on my knees and pray....

because it is only then when I KNOW it will be ok.